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Archive for January, 2010

Randomness.

I think Kevin Yan is cute.In a rugged-melancholic-reserved way that is.

Okay so what I wanna ask is,can a darling soul out there teach me how to do frigging Econs?I’m damn pissed with the huge load of homework this weekend and I’m wondering why are the teachers giving us so much stuff to do.HELLO it’s only the third week of school?Sigh.and I badly want to watch Arsenal VS Manutd tonight but it’s early morning and if I don’t get sufficient sleep right now I think I’ll cry tomorrow.There’s nothing fascinating going on in my mundane life now and I really regretted not going for OGL.At least it’ll spice up things a little bit.Nothing much to say.I think I’m addicted to tumblr hopping.Ciaos.

I don’t want to look back someday and find out that I’ve wasted the good years of my life.

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Deja vu;One year later.

I knew this so long ago.

One more day to Friday!YAY I CAN’T WAIT TO ENJOY MY WEEKEND FOR SCHOOL HAS MADE ME FEEL SO DEPRIVED.Yesterday’s CP was fun haha.I agree with what Kev said about the Reversal of Roles.Girls talk soccer and boys bitch.Woah we’re living in a topsy turvy world*WINKS*.Oh yeah the J1s came today and they shooed us out of the canteen!Okay not literally but the whole jungle of them were saturated in the canteen and there was almost no space to walk and just have a meal with pals and all that.It’s so annoying.I bet the J2s last year found us noisy unbearable and irritating little gits muahahahahaha.The school’s flooded with seas of white(Duh AHS,CCHS,VS and the likes what)and then occasionally you see specks of blues and yellows and greens.I think boys are growing taller as the years progress.Could it be because I’m short or the J1 guys seem to be towering over all of us eh.But still,I like our batch most muahahah.It’s kinda funny walking into school via the sidegate and you see your friends chirping “HELLO WELCOME TO MJ!” and you reply with the same cheerful albeit amused tone “HELLOOOOOOO”Haahah the situation this morning was really cute,I had a flashback of the events that occured one year ago where I was a newbie and was kinda intimidated by those seniors who stood aligned welcoming us into MJ.But now,it’s really comical.Like totally.You get the idea lah.Seeing the school buzzing with life,I have this sudden urge to be an OGL.Kinda regretted that I didn’t sign up for it in the first place=(

What really struck me was that it’s been a YEAR.I mean,the fact that I’m a J2 and no longer a J1 has sunk in.Like woah.It’s so fast.As cliche as it may sound,but J1 flew by so quickly and all of a sudden,we’re thrusted into this insane hectic ridiculous J2 curriculum where you either sink or swim.Seeing the new juniors roaming around school with curiosity and wonder etched on their faces,I seem to find abit of me in every single one of them.It’s like deja vu only that I’m conscious of it happening before and now,I’m like seeing it unfold again.

First day of school in MJ was scary and a little frightening.Even though I had the company of fellow PRCS peeps,I still felt alone in this sterile blue-white environment.In an ocean of unfamilliar faces and prospects,I felt really afraid and then something happened that has probably altered my J1 year alot.It wasn’t really that happening,but I think I’ll remember that mixed emotions of intense curiosity,extreme longing and the can’t get it out of your head feeling forever.It’s like  you can feel it in your bones and you just know it.It seems so long ago that it might have belonged to a different life,a different time and a different universe.When you weren’t you and I wasn’t me.A glance,that’s what shaped the events of whatever that occured in my life back then.I think it won’t ever take place again for nothing happens the same way twice.I got that deja vu again when some stuff passed my way today.A year really made a difference to everything.From the appearance,it’s as though nothing had changed when really in reality,everything had changed.We’re no longer who we were one year back.We’re no longer those J1s still struggling to rid ourselves of the secondary school phase.Call us cynical,but that’s the way life is.You get jaded and weary and then you move on.Occasionally something passes your way and you get all nostalgic and stuff,but then that’s about it.People do move on and one year later,all these will be laid to rest for all of us will go our separate ways and find our route in life- I know I will and you won’t be there.Whatever that happened in MJ will remain in the caverns of our memories and it will continue to stay in MJ.For when the past comes to haunt you again,you know it’s time to put everything in a box,shut it,turn the lock and put it down.Let the dust settle on it as time goes by and like the box,you’ll slowly fade out and all else will come to a rest for good.

We think we’re invincible,but we are limited.We really are for we’re just merely humans and humans leave and humans die.

Tata.

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2 more days to Friday=D

Does it really not matter anymore?Perhaps.Even if it kills me inside friend,don’t worry.I’ll take the hit.

Tests and tests and tests.It’s only the third week of school and we’re being bombarded by so much assignments and tests.I’ve had enough of that.Can there be like a week’s break please?Anyway,I think I’ve adjusted to the school curriculum alrdy.It could have been better but still,I’m okay,Maybe not exactly happy,but I’m okay.A close and dear friend of mine told me not to take life too seriously,I’ll try but still.If you don’t take life serious enough life probably goes more serious on you dude.But nevertheless,thanks for listening to my rants!Your nonchalance is like comic relief.You’re forever happy,aren’t you?and bloody smart too even if you don’t mug ah.Okay so you’ll do life your way and hopefully I’ll pick up a skill or two from you happy boy=)Econs test on Tuesday was epic fail.Not decent enough I guess.Sigh.Nevermind Econs is not gonna be the death of me.I must find something more worthwhile lol.I’ve been enjoying Literature lessons lately and when I feel stressed,everything turns into a bitchfest,right buddies?You know who you are.

Speaking of school,the J1s are coming in tmrw!This means that the school is no longer ours!More queues,more squeezy,and we can’t hang around the homeroom anymore during breaks cause the J1s confirm use it one when lessons start officially.Sigh but nevermind.Only 10 more months muahahah and then it’s all over.No soiree=more study time for March Block Tests.Geez and I thought it was like,6 months away?I think my calendar’s gone all wrong on me.What I really wanna say is,it’s not fair that time passes by so quickly that we can no longer grasp each moment as it comes.By the way,it’s Wednesday and only 2 more days to the weekend!peepos hang in there yeah?Okay I gtg do my work now.

Goodnight.

Maybe people don’t leave because things are hard.They leave because it’s no longer worth it.

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Holding on.

Back to Basics.

I’m pretty tired now.History today nearly killed me,or more likely,my left hand.Poor hand it’s not an easy life being my hand.Anw,4 essays in 3 hours is no kick okay and poor hand and poor trees who are going to die for us come November.I’m practically rattling off nonsense here so don’t mind me.My brain is fried even though the exam was open book but the analysis is not open book what.And I’m gettting sick of school despite it being only the 2nd week cause it’s frigging tiring.Why must there be an Econs CE on Tuesday ah,It’s perhaps I haven’t explained my passion for hating exams clearly enough?Congrats to all of us for surviving week 2 of JC and yes,it’s only gonna get tougher and tougher and…before you know it As are here!Yay!and then I’ll be done with Math and can bid good riddance to the horrendous and stifling schooling curriculum and have my 8 months’ break before University starts.

I believe I’m not the only one feeling suffocated now.Many are somehow,and the only source of comfort is that we’re all in this together.At least at the end of the day,we’ll have each other.At least if all else fails,faith and hope can pull us through such dismal times.At least there’s always a tomorrow to make changes and pray for a better day.At least we’re still alive,fighting for every bit of life with each gasp, no matter how hard it gets.Cause at the end of the day,even when we lose it all,we still have our lives and that is more than enough to keep fighting for.

People aren’t supposed to look back.We shouldn’t but do so all the same.Maybe that’s why we find it so hard to let go of things.We want to reach out to the green light,yet our souls are like paper boats being swept away by the currents,back and back and back.

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Post school stress.

Easier said than done.

SO I finally have time to breathe,smile and to talk!Yay me but tmrw’s hardcore History mugging.The last few days have been honestly,pretty tiring.It’s not so much of the physical tiredness,but rather mental exhaustion.I think,I’ve never gone into studying gear so soon you know and it’s like school-home-work-sleep-school and the cycle repeats itself all over again.Econs is messing up with my head,but I’m glad the facts are not spiralling out of control now.I’m slowly trying to absorb whatever that eluded me last time and for once,I think it’s gonna be okay,like I think I can see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel now.School’s really tiring(how many times must I say that) and I absolutely abhor PE.LIKE REALLY.I really need to start planning my time really wisely now.It’s only gonna get tougher man.There are days when I finished studying,feeling so drained and my brain is like the size of the DHL balloon with all the stuff cramped in and when my family talk to me,it’s so hard trying to etch out a smile on the face just so to assure them that I’m fine.I guess I just need time and rest to regain the studying stamina during the Os.I need more stamina dammit.

CP meeting today was fulfilling.YAY TO ME FOR I’M NOT THE ONLY GIRL ANYMORE MUAHAHAHA.There’s two additions to CP and I’m really enjoying it haha.More people=more division of workload!but why NO SOIREE!!!Like the others I have mixed feelings about this.On one hand it’s a huge relief as it’s like a load off the back and something,on the other it’s kinda …I was looking forward to it for last year’s soiree was awesome!Sigh.Nevermind.OMG and I’m kinda mortified and embarassed about what happened today in Econs lecture.SO embarrassing.I did not do that on purpose can.LOL and I love my hair cause no one gets to see my ears turning red XD I wish I did not have to feel this way or be the way I am now.Hormones,mood swings and pressure be gone!No more gushing M.Y.Seriously I think even my subconscious self is getting sick of me.If I know myself,I will run the hell away.Stop this nonsense hearty.Very soon I know I will not only be annoying myself but others too.Sigh.(I can’t believe Fab guessed it on the first try-did I make it very obvious?Or it’s just me cause I’m a sucker for concealing emotions and the whole world knows what’s written on my face.wth.)

Right now,I’m most concerned with History.I think before I even finish the History syllabus,I’ll be HISTORY.Okay looking on the BRIGHT side at least learning about the cultures and stuff of other nationalities is remotely interesting and maybe if I enjoy it,it’ll automatically be registered in my brain like ec,football facts,celebs and you get the drift.Literature’s the only subject which is not so tense.but the amount of brain pondering and stuff.There’s a reason why I will be done with History and Literature after JC.Somehow,Psychology really appeals.Somehow.

Till next time folks.

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1st week of J2

Much higher than I’ve ever dreamt of.

I just love Fridays.But I hate the homework that often accompanies it.I can’t help but feel damn stressed now,and J2 has gave me this inclination to be so vulgar that I can’t stand myself at times.I wonder how many words have I cursed and sprout.What a bitch I’ve been lately sigh.School really saps your energy and suck out whatever life there is out of you.There’s so much things to do and everything is happening at an incredibly fast pace that we’re unaware of how much we’re missing out until reality knocked at your door.Boo.I hate homework and tests and all these stuff that is happening.J2 has got on my nerves dammit.I wanna be happy.I really do.For that I will need you to get out of my heart,quit messing around with my head and shut the door behind you for good.

I have so much things to do.I have homework to complete,deadlines to be met,tests to study for,lecture notes to do through,study notes to write,cca stuff to attend to and a life to be lived,and I can’t find any space to squeeze you in or to entertain any thoughts regarding you in my head.There’s no time and I don’t have the energy anymore.So please cease existing in my mind and delete all stuff linked to you there.If only it was as easy as pressing the backspace on the keyboard.

Damn this shit.Damn all of these crap.

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Shrug off these beckonings.

Somehow I know this better than I should really.

Openhouse ytd was a blast!Had loads of fun taking pictures,GOSSIPING(I just joined the club muahahah) and just enjoying a day without lessons.No matter what,Atlas still rocks btw.We are Golden.Gold does not fade yeah.But it was boring at the CP booth.All of us were stoned to death I guess and hahha I was so random-kept singing and spluttering soccer stuff.Must be all the stress that’s getting into my head.

School has barely started,the homework hasn’t exactly rolled in yet,but I feel so suffocated and stuffed to my neck alrdy.I don’t know why,but I feel like crying these days.It seems as though anything that stuns me is enough to turn on the waterworks.I don’t know why,but I feel so weak and so…vulnerable to whatever’s that is happening.Maybe it’s the post school stress.Like what Fab suggests,crying over school is stupid.There’s more worthwhile things to weep over.It’s devastating to note how easily all of  us break.At the end of the day,we’re just soft fragile things trying to keep ourselves together,but the cracks are too prevalent and one day will shatter into zillions of fragments,never to be pieced together again.

I know I shldn’t be asking for too much,but it’s just human nature right.I’m not sure how I feel now,but for the first time I’m able to hold it by the reins and not be so helpless compared to before.Maybe somewhere deep now,there’s still an inch of memory worth preserving and the banter which has longed passed still lingers around,like a wandering gypsy,searching for a refuge which has died before it had a chance to live.Spasms of the heart can only sustain,not maintain the well being of the soul.I know what I want-but I can’t keep running back to yesterday.It’s a place that I can never return to.Right now,I’m just appreciating whatever that happens,knowing that nothing will ever happen the same way twice again.

To School,you’ve been exhausting,but I love you all the same.

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