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Archive for March, 2010

Post MBTS craziness.

*Screams* then faints and drift off into lalaland.Fabregas is damn hot!Even though he looks as though he’s a mafia boss or sth…Oh and the shot above Fabregas-Fernando Torres!He looks way hotter in brunette okay I love his blond streaks now but I have a soft spot for boys sporting dark coloured hair-C.Ronaldo,David Villa,Fabregas,Macheda…

GO SPAIN!(Torres,Fabregas and Joaquin)-this looks like a scene frm a movie!

Looking at all these footballers’ photos and reading soccer news gets me all hyped up and excited for World Cup 2010.OMG I’m supporting Spain okay,WHY?Cause there’s darling Fabregas there and I love Villa and Iniesta and Alonso and Xavi too AND Casillas looks promising.Basically I think the Spanish team has strength in depth now.I wanted Portugal at first cause of Ronaldo but then Portugal isn’t as brilliant as Spain.I’m supporting England too but England’s really faltering.Take away Rooney Gerrard Lampard Terry and it’s nada zip zero.SO SPAIN!Lots of hotties+good football=HAPPY ME.

Can Singtel and Starhub get the broadcasting rights for FIFA World Cup alrdy?I’ll be so miserable if Singapore don’t get it.I need my Spain!

Okay so MBTS are over but the liberation has hardly begun yet.I’m mentally preparing myself for tmrw.It’s gonna be painful but I need to be strong and it’s really nothing compared to Life itself.I want to be happy.I really want to,but studies are really exhausting and like yesterday I slept the afternoon awy and had to cram Math and History and it’s draining.It’s not the first time nor will it be the last time either.Next week on it will be super tiring again once school gets on its usual groove with all the homework, lectures,  tests, tutorials,falling in sleep in class mood,and PE.Urgh don’t get me started.Looking on the bright side,just 8 more months.or 6 more months to be exact for regular JC life.

Guess what I’m such a noob cause Iset up a Tumblr and I don’t know how to start posting.Geez.

We know that this is the way life ought to be,so get on with it and stop dreaming about it anymore.

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GP’s down.

For she who believes lives on forever. I wanna watch The Lovely Bones!

I realised I can resist the urge to blog but I can’t resist the urge to post pretty pictures.I’ve been saying this for months but I really need to get a Tumblr.Who knows one day I will get this sudden impulse to desert WordPress!=) Anw, had GP MBTS today.Paper 1 was a real killer.I flipped over the paper,skimmed through the questions and my head immediately sent out an alarm signal”WTH is this paper trying to do ah?”Omg the questions were all tough,and even the simplest of questions require a cunning mind to decipher that.One question in particular had me stunned “Do iron bars make a prison?” NOOOOOO SCHOOL DOES.In the end I resorted to trying my luck with the first qns and I must say that the Warren Buffett reading I did in December had provided me with some vital examples.Paper 2 was more lenient on us,yet there was hardly enough time for AQ.Anw GP’s down.I’m gonna try to do revision for Econs and polt structures tmrw.So far Econs is not that bad for it’s only case studies for Macro but hist is one whole chunk of memorywork.Once again,I’m sorry my left hand for putting you through such strain and implanting you in a race against time.It’s a two year long deal,remember that.I’ll give you the Queen’s spa and lotion treatment after everything’s over.In the meantime, we’ll do all that we can for those As okay?

And so Time has crept  behind us once again.

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Excerpt.

An Excerpt from Perks of being a wallflower:

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X’s
and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Autumn”
because that was the name of the season
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Innocence: A Question”
because that was the question about his girl
And that’s what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle’s Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it “Absolutely Nothing”
Because that’s what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn’t think
he could reach the kitchen.

Being strong is miles away.

“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have. Good and bad.”

Stephen Chbosky is BRILLIANT.

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End of Term1

We’ll see how it goes.

Term one is over.I have MBTS once school reopens and GP is next MONDAY.I’m particularly nervous for GP after hearing Miss Sathya’s story on her class and her experiences and really GP should no longer be slighted.I just wish I can carry it off for I haven’t been doing well for the subject at all this year.GP is NOT equal to English okay,it’s far more technical than I had expected it to be.There’s a day off tmrw!YAY I’M GONNA SLEEP AND SLACK LIKE A PIG BEFORE I COMMENCE PROPER WORK ON SATURDAY.This means going out to Vivo,sleeping in late and slacking and booking a place infront of the television-and stuff myself with junk food.Term 2 is gonna be way busy I think and I don’t think I’m prepared for that-nowadays life itself is so tiring and I can’t remember when’s the last time I don’t feel tired.I need more sleep baby.

You know I’m missing Mr Kakati already.Somehow I have this uncanny feeling that Econs is gonna be a terror again.Econs what should I do with you man? I started off in J1 loving every single one of my subjects and I can still remember the initial fervour I had for History and Literature and how I loved analysing and feeling the characters and stuff but I felt that all this is now a chore.It’s interesting and really fun and cool no doubt,but the pressure in writing it and conveying your ideas OVER to the marker is another thing.I miss doing it for the sheer fun of it.Now everything’s a chore.Life’s a chore.Even though speed is not gauged by how fase you write,but the thing is an umcompleted paper under exam conditions still breed disappointment and what ifs.I wanna train my brain to process thoughts and ideas quickly and for my hand to be aligned with my brain through the writing and scribbling.Sometimes I think my thoughts are churning more than it shoud and it’s not proportionate to my writing speed.Sigh and I must stop leaving loopholes and unexplained facts in my writing.I can’t seem to remind myself and the same thing happens all the time.That’s prolly why I can’t seem to get out of the usual range of grades.I must try harder and push myself more and do whatever it takes to get As.One chance.That’s all I’ve got.I have a feeling that I will remember the days in MJ for life,for studying reasons and other reasons too for this one year plus spent has honestly been the most trying,happiest,saddest and emotionally challenged year.And of course the A levels which has been dubbed as the “MOST DIFFICULT EXAMS YOU WILL EVER TAKE IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE.” See,I do listen to Ms Lai’s speech*winks*

I was surprisingly happy and chirpy throughout the day despite the droopiness of my eyelids.JAMES DEAN IS HOT(okay random but like what Gary said,I would LOVE running my fingers through his thick locks of dishevelled hair and ruffle them.They are MORE beautiful and stylish than that of Rob Pattz okay-WHY DID I EVEN THINK OF HIM???)Anyway,the fact that there’s no lessons tmrw and despite the March Holidays being used to mug,I’m still happy for I get to sleep in and for a few days,the sun will be up and shining before I get up!=)

Might be going on hiatus soon(there will be manymanymany more times later this year) due to mugging for MBTS.Yes I’m a mugger.You and I know that vvvvv well.Sigh I need to breathe.Tata Darling.

I’m taking back my faith for right now my world is spinning too fast.

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B.A.M.F FAMILY ROCKS.

=)

The past 2 days have been absolutely tiring.MT results were kinda a letdown but I’m kinda over it.At least I hope so.There’s no use crying over it anymore.Crying just makes me feel bloated and tired.However I think I kinda have a phobia about knowing my results now.I don’t think my heart can handle another blow.PW please be good.

It’s as though there’s no weekend at all cause my weekend has been used up for Road Race and CIP.Road Race was kinda fun but tiring.I love the funky sunglasses-so COOL and we camwhored abit and were too lazy to cheer and stuff HAHAH but I did okay.I think Atlas rocks cause our props were so PRETTY!!!!!!!Tam and Jy helped me tie the flower band arnd my hair but it fell off when I was running and my hair looks like I had a bad hair day.Compared to last road race,this year’s was much better because it was the LAST year and for some reason,we J2s had the luxury of sitting in shady areas so away from the sun,it was all good.It was awkward okay when they announced the top runners.I was happy for Fab when he got 3rd(like WOW he is crazy)and I shouted “GO FABIAN!” at the back and I could sense that everyone kinda looked at me=.= but still,wow srsly.I’ll love to have speed and stamina like that.so jealous.After road race I accompanied Gary to White Sands and grab some icecream and we mainly gossiped lol then we went to Aries.That’s when I found out that I am such a total failure at being a girl srsly.I couldn’t tell the stark difference between the colours of the blushes and I couldn’t find the brush.My makeup knowledge is nada zip zero.HAHA.Was so tired after road race that I just crashed and only managed to do some proper work at night.Math suck.

Today had CIP.I must say that I hadn’t been keen on doing CIP on an early Sunday morning(I realised that I didn’t get to SLEEP IN at all this weekend!-nvm I shall have my Friday as compensation).Was kinda lost this morn with Kevin so we found Su and Syaf and walked to the place instd,near the water venture area.The route was fking LONG okay like I’m perspiring like a dog by the time we got there.OH AND I WAS HAPPY TODAY CAUSE GUESS WHO WAS THERE.NO PRIZES FOR GUESSING!

Okay so we thought it was cool being game facilitators and watching pple run arnd for treasure hunt,but then the tides turned and “due to a lack of participants”,we had to be the participants instd!wth I know right.We had to think of group names and Syaf,Su,Tam,Kev and I were in B.A.M.F!COOL MAN.But I think Wafiy’s took the cake “WE GOT CHEATED” hahahahahahahah literally brilliant and they won somemore!The weather was merciless today and we went frm one place to another on foot.It’s stupid to randomly put the stated courses when the first one is ALL THE WAY at the front and another is all the way at the BACK.I didn’t sign up to be  a games participant.Syaf was so nice cause she became a games facilitator after Clem left and she gave us the nearest photo at the Mangrove Swamp and tada we got 10 points just like that.Oh and I saw a SQUIRREL TODAY!Gawd and I tell you we got cheated today.Ahem shall not go into details cause I think I sounded like an idiot.But come to think abt it it’s really funny lol.We were almost tricked a second time hahahahahaa.Tam was really funny today when she found out that we were game participants and she called her dad to complain.Instd of her dad coming to her defense he was like “CIP is good!NO PAIN NO GAIN!”The look on Tam’s face was EPIC.It was downright hilarious.I love my BAMF family.WE ROCK OKAY WE REALLY DO.

I’m tired now.Tired is the norm nowadays.When will be the day I wake up not feeling tired at all?I need renewed joie de vivre.

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Subconscious Sentiments.

Thank you.

Today:

Going to school in a zombiefied and drained manner isn’t the best start to the day,especially since it’s Thursday and the weekends are lurking near.Gonna be very busy this whole week with loads of stuff popping up last minute.Anyway,Math made me so vulnerable today.It’s not as though I was being bombarded by stuff that I can’t comprehend,but the immense weight of it all was killing me inside and numbing what’s left of my brain and I felt mentally paralysed.I couln’t think or absorb anything at all.It’s a horrid feeling,to be lost in your own mind and there’s no way out.

Korean 101 was vaguely interesting(cause my mind wasn’t in it that time.It was somewhere floating in outerspace) and lunchtime concert was fabulous.Our school should nurse talents like those.Went along with the daily regimented style of life and was trying to cover all the emotions with a happy and superficial outlook on everything.”PE was not too bad,running a mere 2 rounds.It got rid of the spinning headache and for once I don’t feel a drag when I’m huffing and puffing like no one’s business.Pestering” Gary  with the same words “GARY HOW???” was one of those symptoms and I know it isn’t gonna sustain me for long.Mulling over things make my head swell and my heart ache and that’s not good.

Now it’s night and somehow I feel more myself.I think I’m a nocteral animal in a mental sense.Spoke to Alfred just now and I feel lighter in some sense.The way he is able to find the light in the most dire situation and have a optimistic outlook on stuff…and wow,the world appears to be a better place.I needed that affirmation.It’s like your faith in human race is being rekindled,somehow,perhaps,maybe but there’s always that flickering degree of hope.I think he’s knocked some sense into me haha.Anyway,I promise not to be 24/7 whiny anymore.AT LEAST,I hope I can.Tomorrow’s the interviewing thing for the J3s again(I thought I didn’t want to be interview saikang anymore???)and I swear,like how me,Teresa and Kev agreed-if anyone of them show any vague symptoms of bursting into tears or weeping,we’re out of there right away.Leave the J1s to handle them haha-ain’t I evil?and OMG THE MOTHER TONGUE A LEVELS RESULTS ARE OUT TOMORROW!!!

So I think that The growing pains can really take your life away no matter how cliche it sounds.It’s not so much of physical pain,but how we fake ourselves and try to live out a farce and be happy when you cannot be.How we try to stuff ourselves with endless work to do to cover the void in our lives,knowing that after doing so much we’re just empty shells.The mental and emotional pain.The weariness and the hope,but it’s like waitng for rain in this drought.So how can they say that these are the best years of our lives?What strikes me is that You’ve really left.Like how you said you would when I learnt enough to let go.Yet at the end of the day I know that before I go to sleep at night,the very last thought that will always linger would be…

I wish I knew thy heart.

She says to say goodbye; Somewhere out on the highway I’m sure she’s fine.

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My alternative March.

Disney gives us too much false hopes on the basis that Prince Charming do exist and there will always be a happy ever after.I’m sticking with the ones in my fantasies.

Anyway,my brain’s all mushy with revising Econs.This reminds me that I really need to brush up on my Math.It isn’t going anywhere at all.Road Race is this sat and I think it’s a waste of time.Sigh and there’s CIP on Sunday.A busy week.Need to catch up on sleep after RR.

Somehow,reading Cheryl’s Tumblr has just made me miss my secondary school days too.It’s not so much about the environment,but more about the friends that I have appeared to left behind after going to JC.I miss all the morning assembly plaza talks with Denise,Tricia and the girls,I miss gossiping with MinYee and buying nuggets and just talking abt random stuff with Clara and the rest of the peeps.I miss the boys in my class no matter how rowdy they appear.Last time I used to be thinking “GOD why can’t they just grow up??? each time they do silly childish stuff.But that was part of the fun.I remembered I had rre,nizam and shafiq to help me with Math and the Sciences.Sec school was a time of trials,smiling and laughing with no real care, endless crying and worrying esp in the third year,but after that everything is okay for I found lifelong friends that I can always count on and there’s my bestie with lots of love.OH and I sure missed the times when Benkhoh would be talking abt his star-dazzled dreams and Hollywood aspirations and how we all had a good laugh about his nonchalance and almost impossible goals.But now I realised that he was damn brave.That dude was brave man,to go on and on about his lofty visions and stuff.Now thinking back,at least he had the will to dream you know at least he dared to dream and be bold and get what he wanted.Maybe that’s what I now admired him for.He’s got guts,guts that I can never have.

Oh and I cut my hair and I think I look like a boy.HAHAHAHA.grow hair grow! classes have been rather mundane nowadays and it’s really boring.I can’t stand it anymore and the weather has been absolutely crazy and horrible.The haze this morning made my throat feel raw and my head heavy.Stupid EL Nino.Oh and the release for the A levels MT results are this Friday.Pray I get a good pass.Ain’t expecting much,but expecting more,this kinda thing is running through my mind and I can feel the fear in me,it’s like an additional lagging beat along with the pulses of my heart and the feeling is making me dull with worry.Today I had a few people asking whether I’m alright or not and I know they are kinda sick of listening to me say “No lah Im just tired” but I am tired for no good reason.I can’t sleep at night now and every morning I look morose and sick.I’m sorry I can’t be chirpy and stuff,but morning blues blah.

On a random note,I was at the benches with Tam in the afternoon before Econs tutorial and I read something which made me wonder and ponder.After that I got to the conclusion that love’s just a function of memory.I mean,people can’t let go because they remember.Memory will always become a burden to those who are depsreately trying to shrug off the beckons of the past.BUT WHAT IF YOU DO NOT AND NEVER WANT TO FORGET?Of course,if you’re the one who forget,and move on have a better life,but what about the person who still remembers?It sucks to be left behind.To forget about all the times spent together,to forget about all the promises sworn under the night sky and in the name of the God seems utterly unforgivable,yet there is only the “letting go” in the end.Gosh What if I grow old and forget about all the stuff I don’t wanna everrrrrr let go of?I hope that day never ever come.

And all too soon,it’s March.Hello March I beseech you to be good to me.

P.S:I miss daddy.

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