Archive for March, 2011

Dear Donghae(okay this sounds.),

You will definitely NOT be reading this but I need to get this out of my chest.In case you don’t know,I’ve been loving you for quite some time already and I must say that I’m more and more in love with you as each day passes.From your smile,to your eyes to your hair to your arms to your throat to your friendly and amiable demeanour and beautiful soul and personality,I cannot find a thing that I do not love about you.I remember my first impression of you was “oh this other SJ dude beside Siwon” in Ariel Lin’s music video and I simply shrugged you off as I was far too bedazzled by Siwon then.However once I quickly immersed myself in the intricate world of SuperJunior,I slowly shifted my attention to you.You have the glibest tongue in the world do you know that?You totally captured my heart with those sweet words and EVEN THEN,I was still not convinced…until I saw your solo stage.I saw the way you danced,and I knew I was in it for life.The way you danced.It was totally different from Hangeng’s.I still remembered that Hangeng’s dancing style was slightly robotic,very agressive and incredibly hot and swoonworthy and I was amazed,however when I saw you dance,I was stunned.Literally.Lee Donghae,you are most beautiful when you dance and you seem the most alive.Others like Geng and Hyukjae rule the dancefloor with almost a treble of violence and strength,but your was smooth,slick and even romantic.The way you dance in Don’t Don and other mvs,it seems so effortless and there is a certain GRACE to your movements and it totally enthralled me.It seems as though the inner spirit in you is unleashed on the dance floor.Yes,dancing Hae has got to be my favorite.I never showed interest in dances and I never knew how to appreciate dance moves,but it was only until you came and Super Junior came that I realized that dancing is an art,dancing is a passion and dancing is LIFE itself.

Furthermore Lee Donghae,you’ve got to be the celebrity whom I know who cries the most.But that is such an adorable aspect of you.In fact I guess one part that attracts me to you has got to be the fact that we seem to be alike in so many ways.We fear to be alone,hate to be neglected,cry too much for our own good,loves skinship and need to have what we want or else a tantrum will arise.I can almost see myself reflected in your personality and  that is something so precious I don’t even.When I first got to know you,I love your vivacious and bubbly and attention seeking personality,however it seems as though there was something behind that smile,something that I did not know yet…until I saw this interview one day and you were crying over your father.At that moment,it totally broke my heart Hae,to see you cry.The boy who loves to smile,the boy who loves to bully Hyukjae and adores Siwon and Kibum,the boy who loves to hog the camera,is actually just a boy who misses his father so much.He’s every girl’s dream man,but he is just a boy who has to shoulder his father’s big dreams.He gave up his own dream of being a soccer player to fulfil his dad’s wishes of being a singer.That itself is a huge responsibility to carry.Our innocent Hae is forced to grow up fast-he’s still the same boy who cried in the toilet when Hyukjae and Junsu teased him about changing when he’s famous,only now He is a member of Super Junior adored by millions and has to be a role model and grow up.My darling Hae,I’m forever reminded by the hurt in your eyes each time you talk about your dad,the way your voice crack and tremble.I can never get that image out of my head and I know that some part of your heart will never be whole again.I know you always smile and have a good time with the other Suju members and ELFs and I believe that you are really happy,but deep down,there’s always a part of you which is incomplete.I’ve never known what it is like to be that strong Hae,but you set an example for me.Being strong is not easy,being strong takes a good deal of courage and strength and I admire you in every single way.The members had revealed once that you always cry in your phone calls home and I know how much you miss your family.You,along with the rest of Suju had sacrificed their youth and precious times with your family and friends to make a mark in the entertainment business and that itself is a cause for admiration.I cannot say how much I respect you for being that strong Hae for it is something I can never do,right now.Now I know,the story behind that sunshine pearly smile,and why your eyes always shimmer with melancholy and there always seem to be an invisible shadow casting over your frame,even in the brightest of places.No one will truly know how it feels,unless they are you;and for that Hae,I cannot bring myself to forsake you and I need to love you with all that I have.

My dream of seeing you came true on 29 January 2011,IN ss3 Singapore..I cannot properly express the feeling of seeing you live in 4D,live in flesh and skin and I will never  forget that second when you came near and I called your name and you looked at me directly in the eye,smiled and waved.I could keep staring forever.That moment,I swear We were infinite.Lee Donghae,I never thought that I could be within an arm’s length from you and I never thought you could walk past me/walk near me and hear your voice live,but you did and I’m forever grateful.I never thought I could be so close to you to the point that I could see the varying shades of color in your hair (from red to brown to black)and the smoothness of your skin and the fact that you are just there,raw and real and breathing the same air as me,seeing the same things as me.I can never put that feeling of sheer ecstasy and gratitude into words.I adore how I screamed your name all the time and waved my lightstick in that sapphire blue sea.I adore you Lee Donghae.I love how you interacted with all the other members,your attempts to speak in English and your cosy and intimate moment with Siwon*winks*.I wish I could shake your hand and have a selca with you,but whatever I’ve gained from that night is enough until the next time I see you again.You are extremely precious my boy.

I remember during the A levels period,I was feeling incredibly stressed out and alone even though my friends and I were fighting the same war,but you and Super Junior were there for me during that horribly tough time.Each time I felt torn and  terrible,I turned to you and SJ.I cannot explain the amount of comfort I gain from listening to your music,watching your videos and laughing like no tomorrow.You are my own brand of heroin and laughing gas Hae.I’m glad things in A levels turned out fine and work turned out fine too.You and SJ was my motivation in finding a job fast,in venturing out to the workforce fast and I’ve learnt alot about office politics and human nature since.Even though you may not know it,you were always there for me and I always had to turn to you and SJ.Some may call me a mindless fangirl,a girl who is too absorbed in her own world,but I call it love.Inspiration.You and SJ were my inspiration and motivation to try out different things,to be braver than before.I was willing to be strong for my parents,and I am willing to be strong for them and you and Suju too.I cannot even describe the amount of impact you had in my life and will always have.I’ve always questioned myself what if I wake up one day and I got sick and tired of you,but then I realize I never will.Sure there will be one day when you will stop becoming my whole world and part of my daily life,and my husband(real life)will come and take over your place and by then I might be too old to be your fangirl,however one thing’s for certain-I will never ever stop loving you.One day I will show my child or even grandchild pictures of my idols when I was a teenager and I’ll always say your name and Suju and tell them how much I love them and how much they impacted my life.I really hope You will be happy Lee Donghae,because you made me and millions so happy and I think,for once,you should live for yourself.Live not  for your father,Live not for your family and friends,but Live for yourself.Have a girlfriend if it makes you happy.It will definitely break my heart,but I will smile and accept it for you are a man and you are a normal human being and you deserve to have a life like a normal human.I love you Lee Donghae,I always will.When you go to the army in 3 years’ time, I don’t know what I will be like in 3 years,but I know that even if I stopped being a fangirl by then,deep down there’s a part of me that will always wait for your return.Like how I’m waiting for Kangin,Kibum and Hangeng,I will always wait for you.

I’m starting University in August Hae,and it’s gonna be a wild ride and I might not have so much time for you and Super Junior anymore,but I will always put you guys in my heart and I will keep listening to your music,watch your shows and keep myself updated with your news.That’s the least I can do.When I’m older and finacially stable,I will fly over to Korea and attend all your shows and fanmeets,For now I shall stick with the promise of SS4 to see you again.Please grace Singapore’s shores soon.Latest is next year okay!I don’t know how long Super Junior can last-forever’s not really forever but I’m glad I witnessed the glory of Super Junior in one night.When reality steps in the way,things might change but I know with every phase of life that I go through,you will always be with me,in my mind and in my heart and the fact that we’re all struggling to go through life and doing the things we want to do makes us One in the end.Teukie is OUR Angel ithout wings to grace the Sapphire blue sea,but you are MY OWN Angel Hae with brightest wings in the world to light up my life-and will always be.I love you Donghae,I always have and I always will.Be it Aiden Lee,Fishy Lee,Lee Donghae,이동해or 李东海, I love you and that will never change.

P.S:In your next life,please don’t be Super Junior’s Lee Donghae anymore.like all the other ELFs in the world,we know that one lifetime of being a member of Super Junior is enough.In your next life,be happy,do what you want and live it well.In my next life,if I have a choice,I’ll choose to be your wife and grow old with you.<333

Always your ELFish,



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