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Archive for June, 2011

Balance.

Worrying too much doesn’t really make things better,instead they make things worse.I have been reading books on philosophy lately and those teachings have been enriching.Love days when I can just plug in music and hide away from the rigours of reality.I’m afraid such idyllic days will not last because August is coming stealthily and along with it comes many other challenges.My friends have been busy going off for camps and stuff and I being a wuss hate going for camps and am thus denying myself the chance to make new friends and stuff-but maybe it’s because I’m not prepared yet.I’m not ready I hope in August I’ll be ready and everything will just come to me as long as I work for it.Been dreaming alot too and I wonder whether there is but a thin line between dreams and reality.Spent the whole of last week being ill-heart palpitations due to anxiety;had been given stress relief pills but I have not taken them for fear of being overreliant on them.That was a wake up call for I’ve been worrying too much for my own good.Worrying about things beyond my control,about interpersonal stuff and results and etcetera and the whole damn list will go on and on until it reaches a point where I’m beyond help.So I’m trying to help myself now or else I’ll just go mental.I think you guys won’t even know what I’m talking about because I’m the only one who can allay my own fears right now and ..others may think I’m just a hardcore nutcase.I’m terribly scared of being left alone and left out,but maybe I should learn to accept that sometimes,being alone is not a bad thing after all.

I’m really scared/appprehensive for school to start,but deep down there’s a bud of excitement too,about the learning and having fun and all that and the time allocated for my own freedom and stuff like that.I’m no good at masking myself,but I’m sure on the way to masking them.

On a lighter note,my love for Kim Hyun Joong is being resurrected again and there goes my money.OKAY.KPOP IS DRAINING ME OUT,BUT I’M HAPPY.Gonna save up for 5jib and more now.I wonder how long I can thrive on kpop derived adrenaline because the high highs are complemented by the low lows and what goes up must come down.I’m happy now,even though there are many things weighing me down,but who knows how long this happiness can last?Too much happiness is not a good thing and too much sadness just becomes overwhelming and eradicates the whole point of it.That sadness is in itself an art of being beautiful.

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I’m so sorry but I love you~

Love this song.Anyway,it’s June.Well,hello June.Smiley,summery June.Anyway,I CANT FKING ACCESS TWITTER I’M GONNA CRY.WHERE IS MY LIFE I CAN’T GET ON TWITTER I CAN’T SEE THE WEBPAGE I CAN’T TWEET I CAN’T SEE FANSITES I CAN’T SEE DONGHAE’S PAGE I CAN’T SEE ANY OF THEM.I’M GONNA CRY.

It’s less than 2 months before University will start-notice how much my life revolves around University now.Hah and I’ve been reading quite a few good books lately and watching nice movies.I’m intending to rewatch Titanic for gawd knows the upteenth time already and I don’t think I will ever get sick of that.Just saying.I wish I can write like Oscar Wilde.He pens stuff beautifully and I adore him whimsical,albeit descriptive way of writing.

“Men marry because they are tired;women,because they are curious,both get disappointed”

He’s a sheer genius.Sadly most geniuses don’t belong to this world.They are too good for the world and hence the world chooses to crush them,using their unruly means.I love reading books that leaves thoughts that linger long after the novel had been shoved back to the shelf and left to collect dust.Strings of thoughts strung together in paperbacks and hard covers entice me-They call out to me and thrust me into a world brimming with technicolor,yet resound with a residue of loss and grit-the pain of an author,the sweat and blood etched in every ounce of a word….

And so I shall leave you all with this.I’ve been wondering what I should do with my life for quite sometime and I think that is the ever quintessential question that holds no answers.Wherever that compass in me takes me to,we shall come to it when we come to it.

“We never get back our youth.The pulse of joy that beats in us at twenty,becomes slugglish.Our limbs fail,our senses not.We degenerate into hideous puppets,haunted by the memory of the passions of which we were much too afraid,and the exquisite temptations that we had not the courage to yield to.Youth!Youth! There is absolutely nothing in this world but youth!”

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