Archive for September, 2011

Never been better.

Hi yall, it’s September and we’re approaching near the end of 2011.It’s abit too early now but I can’t seem to get over the fact that time is so elusive and the way I see things, each time I try to hold onto the gist of things, it is but wisps of thin air and we think we have it when we actually don’t .Everything in this world is defined by one’s mindset.It’s cliche to see things like a glass of water-half full or half empty and I may seem like I’m preaching now, but actually  I think I’ve grown enough to believe that cliches are cliches because they actually bear some kind of truth that resonates deep within you. We always find it in ourselves to defy the more common logic due to the impending belief of being cynics and jaded due to tinctures of experience but right now,I’m at this point of my life when I don’t really see things with rose tinted glasses,but I’m past the point of being all sorts of emotional and weary.If there’s one thing University has taught me, it’s that you don’t really need anybody but yourself-cliche, but true.It’s really true.I used to be one who dreads loneliness ALOT but right now I’m fine with independence.I’m fine with being by myself-not lonely, but alone.I’ve learnt to do more things Myself and with that,I’ve learnt alot. It’s like one will never understand the elasticity of one’s spirit until something gutteral happens to you and you think you might break, but nah there’s actually nothing that you can’t overcome as long as you set your mind to it. If there’s one thing that God has blessed us with, it’s the tenacity of the human spirit and the strength to always go on.

Anyway, life’s been treating me good.Sure there are times when I do feel like punching it in the face and graveling in self pity due to the moroseness of things and it can be quite banal sometimes but oh well.This is how my cards have been dealt isn’t it so we can only milk the best out of it.I’m not really liking University-I still deem JC as being the best 2 years of my schooling life but right now I feel inspired.By University. I may not feel happy all the time due to the mountainous amount of work and stuff to do, but right now I feel happy-I feel motivated to study,like study because I like it.I love all the modules I’m taking-well one or two modules are really frustrating and the workload is demanding and can be quite dry,but I still like it.I guess I’m not complaining that much because I really Like it. I chose them myself and so there’s no room for regrets right? Even if there is well I shall shoulder it because I CHOSE it. Thus I like this feeling of actually being in control of things. I guess this is part of growing up too-you make decisions and you stick with it, through thick and thin and you see the job through. University has also awaken this fiery passion in me-for History,particularly Chinese History.For as long as I remember, the love for History has always been embedded in me since secondary school but I kind of lost that passion in JC due to the restrictive nature of that subject in the syllabus but right now,I’m rediscovering it all over again.It’s like an epiphany for I really cannot comprehend myself-I just feel so happy doing that subject.I’m so excited for all of that-the workload,the burgeoning amount of stress and pressure of rushing papers and ….I do dread doing essays and research,but all that pales in comparison to the bigger picture.I LOVE what I’m doing and I guess that’s all that matters.Most people think that the career of a History graduate can only be restricted to the confinements of teaching -I’m not leaving that out I really want a government job(the pragmatic side of me) but I guess-even it’s a 9-5 job I’ll be doing History and so,I think I’ll be happy.I really like what I’m doing now and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.Mapping out the courses I wanna take for the next 3 years and thinking of plans…It’s all too far fetched but I’m ready to add the pursue of a higher education in my list for History.I don’t mind doing Masters and maybe even doing a Phd if I’m capable enough because I love it so fking much. Chinese History is calling out to me and that love for it seems to be seeping through my veins-Never in my life have I felt such an immense feeling in all of its entirety before. I know it’s gonna be hellishly tough, but heck, Take one step at a time and I’ll see it through. What makes me even more ecstatic is that the History professors in the department at school are a bunch of super enthusiastic people and their love for the subject is so damn infectious and so enticing that their vibe just rubs off you I’m sure Sprinkledreams would feel the same way. You can’t live without passion in life and all these feels so Narnia like and yet so rich and so grounded and so..real.. I don’t know what will happen or whether I will falter(I’m pretty sure I still have a love hate relationship with History but Oh well<3)

So much to do, so much to feel and I’m at a stage where not much things matter anymore. I’m aware that I’m different from most people my age,but heck I’ll do whatever I want.Be it in terms of eccentricity or whatever,I’m just given one life and for the rest of this life, I promise myself to do things that will make me ONLY HAPPY and boo to all those melancholy and whatever that gets one down..It’s okay if I end up like a vintage person or a “lao gu dong” as long as I’m happy and if this world cannot accept me,well I won’t embrace it either.I’m just meant for another entity that’s all.Positive thinking-Haven’t felt this positive in the longest while and the inner peace embroiled deep down will be here to stay.


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