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Archive for October, 2011

leilockheart:

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It’s nearing the end of October and I’ve survived around 10 weeks of University. The semester’s coming to an end, approximately 3 more weeks before reading week ¬†and my exams and then I’ll be done with my first semester in University. The alacrity of time baffles me and yet scares me so much because time is slipping away fast.The conscious volition of what I’ve been doing so far in the last few months make me feel as though Life’s worth it.Life’s worth all the pain, all the struggle, all the stress because we all will reap what we sow in the end.We’re all unpolished diamonds in the gutter(or so we think), but we actually belong to the skies.So in order to go back to where we come from, we need to start everything from scratch,even if that means falling and falling and falling all over again.Anyway,these few weeks have seen me rushing and rushing and rushing alot of deadlines.I don’t know what exactly is wrong with my choice of modules,but everything comes together.I’ve gone through a week where I had 3 papers to write and with a presentation to prepare for and boy that was horrible but look at where I am now.This shows that tough times don’t last but tough people do.I’m not sure whether I would qualify for the term “tough” right now because as usual I break down ever so easily,as though I’m made of some flimsy paper instead of the sturdiness that encompasses some of my friends.I cry over a B can you believe it?However right now I’ve learnt to let loose and just cut myself some slack and just do whatever I can.I’m still so excited about the modules that are to come and everyday I’m one step closer to my dreams.If University has reaffirmed anything,it has to be the fact that History and I are meant to be.I can’t see Life without History,everything has implications of the past and as human beings, we’re often dragged back to the past whether we like it or not.One can argue that History belongs to the past and hence is “useless” and “of no relevance” but before you can complete that whole sentence I would beg to differ.History is as real here and now as it was eons ago.We live and breathe History because it molded us into the beings we are today.He who does not know his history would lose the capacity to foresee the future and to appreciate the presence for without a sentimentality about one’s past, according to sociology, we’re no better than animals.Animals are after all rather similar to humans but what sets us apart from them is the human’s ability to reflect and think about the past.Humans are circumscribed to our environment and we act upon it-we’re steeped with guile and sloth and embody the 7 deadly sins.So how can there be the present if there isn’t any past?What makes History even more prevalent today is precisely due to the fact that capricious and contentious humans NEVER learn from History,and so we’re trapped in the neverending wheel of regrets,guilt and sorrow.I can go on and on about the importance of History but I’m not sure how much time the reader has reading this,but anyway.I love the subject and I’m content with studying it for the rest of my life.

Recently I’ve been studying about wars and wars and wars.All the brutality of mankind would come back and haunt us someday.We will fight WWIII with sticks and bones because every breath we take is a step towards self-destruction and everything has an end.I love everything I do now.Grades are not reflective of the passion at times,and I won’t get discouraged and get undeterred by it.I’ll try to be as strong as I can and so will you.<3

It dawned upon me that within a span of 1.5 months I’ve been to 4 different museums and that’s a record. My last visit to a museum was last Saturday when I went to view the Terracotta Exhibition and boy was that fascinating.Excluding my fascination with China,everything was wonderful and eye-opening.Of course some of the actual exhibits were too fragile and remained in China,resulting in my viewing of the replica instead.Even though it’s not authentic,I’m glad I actually had the chance to look at them and appreciate them.I’ve always been enthralled by the Terracotta soldiers and they are the brooding silent witnesses to a dynastic era that howled with so much glory and yet so much bloodshed and cruelty. Those soldiers that I saw were the same soldiers that were built 2500plus years ago.They serve as a form of mockery to the whole of mankind.The fact that non living and material objects last SO MUCH LONGER than actual humans themselves.These objects are similar to the sun and stars that have never ceased to grace the day and night skies.We’re all relative to time.Time is the master of us all and as much as humans like to think that they are invincible and infinite,History tells us grimly that that’s not the case.We are made of flesh and blood and have our own time in this world.Permanency is never granted to us at all and this got me thinking.How long has it been since I last paused and take a momentary look at the world?I found my respite near the Singapore River where I just emptied my mind and just stared blankly at the swashing of the currents and the epheremal stretch of blue sky.The cool breeze kisses rather than sting and maybe that’s all the comfort I need.I’ve been too tense these days and maybe I’m turning into a hypochondraic soon, but suddenly it struck upon me that I DON’T WANT TO DIE YET.Okay morbid thought BUT I DON’T WANT TO LEAVE THIS WORLD yet.There’s STILL SO MUCH TO SEE,SO MUCH TO DO,SO MUCH TO EXPERIENCE AND SO MUCH TO DISCOVER and the greatest gift of all is to be alive;Because only when you are alive then are you powerful enough to change your life and to change the lives of others.Only when you are alive can you accomplish great things.There’s so much things to do and death’s never a solution,never a way out in this world.The earth is round-there are no edges,no corners and so there will ALWAYS BE A WAY OUT.So stop furrowing your brows,stop drowning in self pity because self pity is a one way ticket to self doom and there’s no turning back.I will not dissipate in sorrow or regrets any longer.Even though I really miss some things in the past,but they remain in the past.Those experiences that I had encountered will always be an integral part of me and will always be a part of my own History,but going back to the past too much disables people.It saps them of their strength to go on and decapitates them.We’re the maestros of our own life and so maybe it is time for us to actually acknowledge it.After all,there are both sides to the coin and thousands of possibilities await.

For now,it’s gonna be an unsettling and twisty ride on the fast lane so hold on tight.I assure you that it’s all gonna be alright in the end.As much as I bet you’ve heard that phrase,it really is gonna be okay.As long as we abide by the laws of karma and do our very best in everything,God (whatever your faith is)will see us through.Just keep believing. A hug to everyone out there.

I’ll visit you soon,but I can’t promise that life doesn’t come in the way.You will always be a distilled form of me and thank you for the memories.

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