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Archive for August, 2012

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We will all be waiting at the finish line.

Last day of summer break before Sophomore year kick-starts again. Three months have flickered away so fast like pages of a book you’re too enticed about to even put down for a moment. I’m glad I lived these three months meaningful anyhow. From catching up with old friends to meeting and maintaining the new ones to embarking on a journey of self discovery by visiting unknown places and trying out different stuff-I’m not a prophet or a soothsayer I cannot decipher if it will be all worth it,but for now, as for now everything seems right. Life will never be void of regrets anymore since everyone would have a misanthropic phase. It’s only human to be embittered at times.  As usual I have no idea what the choices I’m making would entail me to, but it’s okay. Its the process that matters and for once I’ve never been so welcoming of Change. We need change no one deserves to live a monochrome life and we are our own Compass of adventure. It’s been a long while since I actually asked why things happen and why we can’t stop it because enough time had passed for me to understand that when it comes to questions of inevitability and ultimate meaning, not even the lengthiest and most cogent of arguments and replies would suffice. We tend to forget that we are only humans. Instead of focusing the bulk of our energies in coddling our material satisfactions and investing in debaucheries, why can’t we spare a little time in trying to heal what we have damaged. I mean sure, you can go on with your daily 9-5 jobs or your academic pursuits and so on, but it would be even more poignant if you can achieve all of that without hurting or debilitating anyone in the process. The previous generation of name makers may have succeeded in inscribing their names across the bloodied pages of History, leaving behind a trail of broken beings and a slimy, viscid residue that would continue to perpetuate the consciousness of today’s individuals and nations. With every cause there would be an effect. Thing is, I don’t know how long it would take for this heap of still accumulating debt to be paid off. 

Moral is that we should try to be a better being everyday, be nice and cordial, to abstain from harmful thoughts (okay fine, if you can’t stop them from encroaching your brain, try to prevent them from slipping out anyway) and to never unleash any form of invective towards anyone (even if situation calls for it) because once it’s out it’s out you can’t even salvage it. To practice self restraint and to always be Aware of how your actions and behavior would somehow affect the general overview of things aka Chain Effect once more. This is what I’m aiming to adhere to come Sophomore year and the years following that. I don’t think I can bear to be held liable for any actions that would trigger a latent effect anymore because I’m still waiting for all the old damage that I’ve caused to be cicatrized. 

Future. I’ve never been more startlingly unaware of my future until now. All those plans in my head-it’s a fermentation of the long contemplation about the “Future” since eons ago. It’s ironic that many of the plans I had once tried to implement have all seen their way to the garage of my head because Life is basically a whole series of trial and error and so I’ve stopped. I mean I still have that plan A and B for the “near” future( until graduation) but I’ve given up trying to foresee what goes beyond. As oblique as it seems, I’m no longer that apprehensive of it. It’s like “c’mon bring it on” but I shall not dwell on the way it would unfold because it can do its own thing while I try to tackle what the present offers me for now. Living hasn’t felt any easier if you do adopt this mindset and I’m excited to see how it will all turn out in the end. But when the time comes, I’ll probably not feel this way anymore since I’ll be given the benefit of hindsight. We’ll see how it pans out. 

Mental Regression. It is human to look back and it is human to lament. If I were otherwise, heck I wouldn’t be a History major already (before I get into a long drawn explanation of how History is not only about the past but the future I shall stop) . Like what I mentioned earlier, we are often gifted the benefit of hindsight when we look at things from the panoramic present. Things in the past, reflected through the sepia lens of our own memory seems more glorified and even beautified to a certain extent or we might be groaning about the erroneous decisions that might have resulted in whatever distasteful situation we had faced. Life can never be void of regrets. Most of the time face it, its probably meant to be. I believe that we are all pragmatic individuals, and we will often subconsciously do the decisions that warrant the best outcomes for us and when you do attempt to regress, you might get stuck in the paradox of “there couldn’t be anything out of it if it was otherwise” VS “but I still wish..” The latter is anathema to the soul and so, one must learn to draw a fine lucid line between progressive and regressive mentality. Reconstruction is good, but like both sides of the coin, reconstruction gone awry is a trauma that one have to carry for the rest of his life. I can’t handle that possibility from occuring. Perhaps it would do good for nostalgic elements to be doused in the Lethe before one proceeds to the next chapter, perhaps we should just get a grip on ourselves before all the what nots take over, perhaps.. the list will never end. Thus for me, I shall just contend with what I have right now and be grateful for all that Life has equipped with me. Take the good with all the bad and be glad that our contract with mortality hasn’t expired yet. There can be no greater joy than living and I hope you all will be happy too.

Too much of a trite, but “all this shall pass” cannot be understated. 

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