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Archive for December, 2014

Recharge and Renew.

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2014 hk爱里放手才可能伟大。

for life is a balancing act between holding on and letting go. Just know that it hurt because it was real, and that is what matters. Then, move on.

Because I’m a tad lazy to actually blog about what 2014 meant to me–so here’s a photosummary of what the year was; all these photos have been carefully selected to present the people who have meant most to me this year and have played such huge roles in my life that it is difficult to omit them out. 2014 was a year tinged with lots of smiles, tears, happiness and also sadness. However just like how there are two sides to a coin, life is fair in a way that even when the world is coated in darkness, the stars still shine and will provide a trail out. There’s a silver lining to every aspect and the dual face of life and death exists all at once. What I’ve learnt so far is that it is myopic and even dense to look at events/issues as a binary, but rather things unfold in a way that leaves you wondering what goes on in between. In the most destitute and forlorn of times humans are able to find within themselves a beacon of light–more often than not that light is not discovered elsewhere but it emanates within themselves. I still believe in the world and in the human race. I choose to have faith in the human race–we are all such unique individuals with a calling in life–things may be destined, but how we choose to remember or be remembered depends on how we make life out to be.

The last few hours of 2014 has brought to me a greater perspicuity, nudging me out from my earlier despondence. I was reviewing what I had felt throughout the year–or the last few months to be exact and I realized that the last few months had been a real rollercoaster ride and the torrent of emotions that I felt had consumed me to the point that I thought I could no longer be myself and I was always reliant on somebody else for my own happiness, for my own well being and for my ability to feel alive. In fact, I do not disagree that I felt the most alive in the last few months than the rest of my 22 years put together. I will always look back on the last few months of 2014 fondly, with glassy eyes and with a heart filled with gratitude. The friends that I’ve made, the people whom I had dedicated the bulk of my time to will always have a special place in my heart, even if one day life drives us apart–I understand now that sometimes people may have to drift away from one another to reunite again, and that things need not end, but if only they don’t stay the same. As with my previous post, all of us have our own dreams and goals in life to meet and fulfill and life is the most enduring teacher. We all have our own growing up to do. I honestly have no idea what 2015 will bring, but I hope that those whom I care about will continue to stay in my life in their own little ways. Them not caring about or loving you in the way you want them to doesn’t preclude the reality that they do love you in their own quirky ways, as subtle as they may be. Because sometimes, silence means that they’re listening and sometimes, passivity is an act of kindness, a love that is tender and apparent only when you feel it with your heart.

To the new year, I’m ready for all the challenges that you may bring, because I know that what doesn’t break me will only make me stronger. Life doesn’t end just yet and it took two decades to make me understand that I do not just want to survive, but I want to live. Cheers to the new year ahead, and to both the good and the bad. 2014, you’ll always be special, but its time to let you go now, and turn the page so the rest of my story can ensue.

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A philosopher once said that “There is experience and then its decay.” This was in reference to the fickleness of memory and its tendency to shift with time. I just came back from Hong Kong (a family trip) less than 24 hours ago and here I am blogging about this because the memories of the days spent are still fresh and it’s a ludicrous endeavor to want to jot down the entire trip, but I want to make sure that I remember some aspects of it, or at least the aspects and moments that I care about.

It had been ten years since I last went to Hong Kong. Ten years, a decade is an eternity on Earth, at least when you’re once a girl and now the world calls you a lady. Ten years ago I couldn’t understand a single word of Cantonese and had to rely on my mother who was my main interpreter. Yet ten years later, I could understand and communicate with the Hong Kong residents–that was sheer joy. Hong Kong had also developed into an incredibly dense city, pulsating with life and energy. In recent years I’ve also nurtured a more keen eye for details and have a renewed appreciation for the built environment, hence it was also an opportunity for me to study the cobbled streets of Hong Kong, where the old coexisted with the new on opposite ends, where you can straddle the boundaries of a new, startlingly posh shopping mall and the spaces of the tenement housing all at the same time. Perhaps it is in cities where the dual faces of capitalism and commerce rear its glorious and yet ugly head all at once. Learning more about Hong Kong through its language, food and culture, I realized that even though Hong Kong and Singapore are both bustling financial nodes in Asia, and despite sharing common beginnings when it comes to their modern historical epochs, Hong Kong and Singapore are quite different in the sense that Hong Kong still retains abit of her old world charm, a sort of charm that remains confined to the time period of the 1960s. I don’t know whether its got to do with the gaudy neon lights looming over the skies at night, or the buildings which webbed with creaks and crevices and yet remain structurally safe all at once. Has it got to do with the back alleys which contrasted sharply against the hustle of the traffic and humble traditional bakeries and handicrafts shops tucked at every nook and cranny of the urban landscape? All these cast against the backdrop of skyscrapers and gigantic glass blocks dominating one’s sight with every step taken. Falling in love with strangers whom I have never known, whom I never will know but I’m reminded of how big this world is and it makes me warm with hope. The thought of meeting new people and forming new experiences brings butterflies to my tummy because it reminds me of how remarkable life actually is and how much I have yet to see. The comfort I felt in Hong Kong is reminiscent of the comfort offered by a second home and I know I’ll be back again, in the near future.(It’s also the home of Leslie ^^)

One of my all time favorite places in Hong Kong is the Victoria Harbor. I don’t know what’s with me, but I seem to have a predilection for waterfronts and the sea. It is ironic that I am afraid of the deep waters, yet the waterfront at night looks ethereal and smells of romance. Perhaps it was the chilly wind that was playing tricks on my mind, perhaps it was the dazzling skyline that conjured an illusive image in my head, perhaps that scene reminded me too much of another place I had loved–The Bund, Shanghai. But I felt too much at home as I strolled along the Victoria Harbour. It also reminded me of how much Hong Kong had grew and progressed and of the profoundest things in life that Man is actually capable of. We’ve come so far and yet we still have so far to go. We can design buildings that soar into the sky, yet a building does not indicate a direct entrance to heaven, or wherever one should go after we’ve expended our stay on Earth. We send people to the moon, yet we aren’t that sure whether there’s any other planet that is capable of sustaining human life. Man is Man because of our limitations, but Man is successful because Man dares to dream, and dreams are what makes life worth living and possibilities, the risk. Because there will come a day when the pain of not doing anything at all hurts way more than falling down with a scraped knee.

The trip also reminds me of how with a little distance, certain things seem a little clearer. I’ve been thinking alot these days and I’m still trying to make sense of my life over the past year. To be brutally honest, even though I say this every year I am not kidding when I say that 2014 has been the best year yet. I like to be hopeful in that I hope that the best years of my life have yet to be, but a dear friend once told me that he believes in the future and that no matter what we do, it is always best to be forward looking. I think the beauty of life lies in the fact we can never fast forward time, nor can we ever rewind. We just make do with what we have and move on from it. To talk about this from a macro perspective, we’re like passengers on a one way ticket to Somewhere. The only way to get Somewhere is to move on a linear direction, and our dreams and ideals are the twin forces that are propelling us forward. It’s a linear force, a force nourished from the wellsprings of our hopes and desires and we are going to be what we make of ourselves. That is the true beauty of life. I do believe in fate, but I like to think that there is human agency too. Fate decides what will happen to us, but fate doesn’t dictate what we can or cannot do. The later half of 2014 has been an emotionally challenging one, I was embittered and vexed once again about certain issues that didn’t go my way despite my meticulous planning and maneuvering, but I’m also simultaneously glad and grateful for the spate of events that have unfolded since. To put it simply, you win some and you lose some, but the onus is on you to milk it for what its worth. Also, the recent tide of emotions have also taken an unexpected turn, leaving me unsettled and uneasy about what direction to take next, but with the new year around the corner, I think I’ll have to let it go. We may be in our twenties, but we are still so young and we have our own growing up to do.  The world’s round, and who knows perhaps one day we will meet again.

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