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The best bunch of people whom I had the honour to befriend this summer. (Hiroshima, July-August 2015)

What can I say, where can I start? Summer’s ending way too soon and I am really surprise at how fast it FLEW by. I believe that as you get older, the days just melt into one another and before you know it, seasons change, wrinkles appear and hair turns to gray. Okay I’m being a little melodramatic here but here’s some updates on the best summer of my life so far. Over the last few months, I was busy with my internship, preparing for thesis and summer school in Japan. Initially I was really apprehensive about my decision to apply for school in Japan. It marked the start of traveling alone and I was swamped with work ;AAA; but it proved to be the best decision I’ve made so far and I am so grateful for all the events that have transpired so far. Arrived home on August 8 and I’ve got to say that as much as I was glad to be home, a better part of me wished that I could have stayed on in Japan. I still think that a country or a city is less about the place than it is about the people. I have made so many great friends in Hiroshima over the last two weeks and it is devastating to bid goodbye to all of them. Tears were shed, alcohol was consumed, smiles were cracked and hugs were extended to everyone in the span of two weeks and it is remarkable how despite our diverse backgrounds we have gelled so well together. This reminds me of how nationalities can never define people thoroughly. Nationalities, territories, language are but arbitrary boundaries that seek to position us in categories that serve the modern nation state; but beyond that I still stick to my belief that we are all citizens of the world and there is only one race–the human race. I have so much to say, but for the greatest of all experiences words can only do so much justice. Leaving Hiroshima and all the friends whom I’ve made feels the closest to heartbreak and I feel as though I’ve left a part of my heart behind. It IS possible to have your heart in different places and I am counting down to the day that I get back again. Although there is a part of me that is certain things will never be the same (I mean, cmon what’s the likelihood of having EVERYONE back in the same place again?), I think it will be just as amazing to catch up with one another and to see how much we have changed and grown. I made a comment earlier that hopefully by the time we meet again, we may have a better idea of what we will like to do in this world and perhaps, even achieved some of our goals. It is a life changing experience, probably because now I realize that the world is so huge and there’s SO MANY POSSIBILITIES (of course I knew this even before I left for Japan, but somehow experience after experience taught me that one of the most wonderful aspects of living is that the road ahead has so much to offer and there are still so dreams to be chased and goals to be attained. There’s nothing like people who hail from different backgrounds with their own life histories gather together and talk about world issues, issues that relate to the most fundamental aspect of life itself–peace, truth and justice. It is also heartening to meet so many friends who share the same vision and set of values as me and even though I am unsure of what the future holds, I know we will all make our mark in this world one day, no matter how long the journey takes or how many stumbling blocks there are on this yellow road. Till we meet again, these friends will form a chapter of my life, a chapter which I will always look back on, fondly. People don’t really leave when they stay on in your heart, that’s what I believe, and we have photographs to remind us that all these were real, and not merely a figment of the mind’s attempt to escape from reality. For now, More experiences await, and my thesis awaits(SIGH)

冥冥中的那个人,一个之前不可能想到,不可能意识到的人,各自在不同的地方,不同的环境下成长,却能在一个偶然的机会中相遇相识。This summarizes the beauty of Life.

“It’s been a long day without you my friend, and I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again, we’ve come a long way, from where we’ve began, oh I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again”

Till then, May peace, love and joy be yours. 

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rembering-lky

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Follow the rainbow, and ride it. And this is the legacy of the first Prime Minister of Singapore, Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

For those who are unaware, the past week was a week dedicated to the memory of Lee Kuan Yew. I woke up on Monday morning to newsflashes on the demise of the man himself. When I first heard the news, I wasn’t that shocked because the PMO had been slowly preparing Singaporeans for his eventual fate over the past few weeks. I cannot remember how I felt then when I was first informed of the news, but I do know that the emptiness inside of me started welling up the moment I knew he was no more. I didn’t know how to express that sense of loss I had, that continued to swell and eat me up from inside. Life went on as normal. Over the last few days, I found myself weeping inside for the man who had finally claimed his place in the pages of history, proper. He was now a name that can only exist in the pages of history books, rather than a living and breathing figure. All my life I’ve been taught that Mr Lee was the first PM of Singapore and he was the key architect responsible in transforming Singapore from a third world country to a bustling metropolis. All my life I’ve been so accustomed to seeing the familiar man on television screens and reading about him through the books that my mother bought. I am now in my early twenties and thus old enough to remember Mr Lee as who he was, and as a History major, he isn’t a historical “historical” figure for me because he was alive and well, and it is honestly disconcerting to have him imprinted in a two-dimensional, pixelated fashion now. This sense of loss is inexplicable. I think all of us have our own mental images of him and how we perceive him to be. To me, he was a man who never stopped trying. He never rested on his laurels and was always seeking ways to improve himself, and the world around him. He reminded us that life was not a sprint, but a marathon and you will only see the finish line when your next breath doesn’t come. The thought of summarizing what Mr Lee Kuan Yew meant to me in the past tense is a reality that is particularly jarring now, and also hard to come to terms with, but we all have to eventually.

So I’m going to put all these into writing. Words can only say so much but I do know that I want to dedicate a post to his memory. I’m not a fan of posting my heartfelt emotions on Facebook or twitter, so here goes. (because I know no one really reads this space anyway.)

Thank you Mr Lee for everything that you’ve done for us. It makes me feel lucky, having been born here in Singapore and enjoying the sweet fruits of your leadership. There will never be another man like you again, and I think, you’re every measure of the man most boys would aspire to be as they mature into adulthood. Thank you for being so calm and stable and the pillar of strength for so many Singaporeans. It hurts to say that you are no more and you didn’t believe that much in the afterlife either, because you once mentioned that if there really was an afterlife, it would be overpopulated–I think only you would phrase it this way. As childish as it may sound, if there really was an afterlife, or a next life, I would still like you to be the PM of my country.On second thoughts, maybe not. Giving up your life once is enough–if there really is an afterlife or a next life, I hope that you’ll live the life of an ordinary citizen then, and relish every single moment. It wasn’t easy, dedicating all you have for Singapore–I think it’s really hard to find another character like you today. Tough times maketh a man and you truly are. Your absence will take a little getting used to, and I cannot fathom what it’ll be like come August when I can no longer see your face light up on the television screen. But then again, you are with us. I like to think that you live on, somehow. Not in physical form, but spiritually and emotionally, you’re ingrained in our national psyche and your contributions can be seen everywhere, from the towering housing blocks to the lush greenery that surrounds us, everyday. For that, thank you sir. I don’t know where you are now, I don’t think the human mind will ever know. But wherever you are now, I hope you’re happy. Have a good rest Mr Lee, and if we are lucky, we’ll see you again. Till then, there’s still many things for us to do–there are goals to be accomplished and dreams to be fulfilled and a nation to defend. I think that’s your legacy and the most enduring gift you’ve bestowed upon us–you gave the young and future generations the luxury to dream and to fulfill our potentials. For that, thank you. We will dream big, act wisely and do your memory proud.

So long, and goodbye, for now.

Cambodia, March 2015

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想看见陪我到最后谁是朋友,你是我最期待的那一个。

It’s Friday! TGIF! It has been a whirlwind week, what with 6 days spent in Siem Reap, Cambodia with some of the best folks in the world. It has been a truly gratifying experience so far and no words in the world can ever summarize the intensity of my emotions as well as the happiness experienced during the past week. It is amazing when you realize that the world has so much to offer beyond your own comfort zone and it is simply surreal. I was so distraught on Wednesday morning when I realized that I had to leave Cambodia. This trip is certainly the highlight of my year so far and with all the plans that have been lined out for the rest of my year, I’m confident that it will be a good year, overall. I am honestly overly saturated with work to type out my own thoughts right now but here is just what I feel currently–I am in love and intoxicated with life. I can’t wait for what the rest of life has installed for me and I do think that living itself is going to be the biggest adventure. It is high time that we treasure every damn thing in life, be it the big moments or the small moments–often enough we try to contemplate about what the future has installed for us and we forget that all we have is the Now. I think, I’ll never want to learn from time to appreciate what I have because by then, it would be too late.

The opportunity to visit Cambodia is honestly a heavensent and I am really grateful for this opportunity. It came out of the blue and never did I expect it to come knocking at my door. I am in debt to the organizations in Singapore for having so much faith in me because to be honest, chances are given by people and I do not think that I am that worthy of the nomination, but I am glad that I crossed their minds and I’m really unsure about how I can express my gratitude in other terms–perhaps, being the best that I can be and doing my part for Singapore will be one of the manners in which I can repay them one day. Also I am incredibly thankful that my professors and schoolmates have been very accommodating and understanding of my schedule as well. Blessed with many “firsts” in this trip–I was asked by the organizers back home to moderate a session for more than a hundred participants in the conference–combating my fear of public speaking was the biggest challenge and figuring out what to do next was also an issue. Thankfully I had the support of the Singaporean delegation and the friends whom I’ve made along the way. Had the pleasure to befriend one of the most inspiring people in this world–he’s one of the most amazing lads I’ve ever met–young, free spirited and with alot of love for humanity and for the world. He has grand dreams too, which I can only hope will come to fruition because if there’s anyone I believe in, it’s in this friend of mine. He was actually a fellow moderator for another session and the first friend I made when we set foot in Siem Reap. It was also through our own puzzlement about the session and the stress that accompanied the preparation of the report that allowed us to bond. As I listened to him share his stories about all the places he had been to, I felt inspired to embark on a similar route too. Talk about positive influence XD. Being young has its merits–it allows us to have the capacity to dream and to feel, without having to arm yourself with too much pleasantries/false fronts.

We went to several landmarks during the trip. One of them was the Angkor Wat, the cultural heritage and symbolic marker of Cambodia. All the hype about the temple wasn’t overrated at all. Commercialized, yes, but overrated–no. When you gaze and marvel at the architecture of Angkor Wat, it reminds you of how much humans are capable of achieving. Bear in mind that the temple was actually constructed in the 11th century–how on earth were the people back then able to construct buildings that strutted way out into the sky without risking the fall? How were they able to harness the technology back then? So many questions bogged my mind as I climbed up the building. Angkor Wat was indeed a beauty and it’s majestic presence will always be imprinted in my mind. However, what really touched my heart in Cambodia wasn’t the breathtaking, astounding monuments that I saw, but the ordinary, everyday people whom I had the chance to interact with. What stunned me into self reflection was the fact that they smile so readily and they seemed to be pretty contented with their lot in life. I am aware that I may be making a sweeping generalization about the Cambodians at large, but at least for the people whom I’ve interacted with, they gave me the impression of being happy with their lot. Their smiles were so genuine and whenever they smiled, you can see the light reach their eyes. I think this is a quality that is lacking in the faces of city life. We are embroiled in a culture of speed and ambitions and we are always telling ourselves to move faster, be better and to aim higher. Yet in the midst of chasing these illusive goals we tend to forget that life is for the living and is for the present. In our pursuit of so many goals we tend to lose sight of the things that matter and such mental myopia may cause us to lose even more in the long run.

From this trip, I am even more certain that life waits for no one and is highly capricious. Sometimes, you’ve got to play by ear and go with the flow. Whatever that begins will have an end, and where there is joy, sadness will abide. But where there is sorrow there is also happiness. Perhaps instead of seeing things in a dichotomized fashion, it’ll be better to allow there to be some leeway.

Having the privilege to encounter so many people of diverse backgrounds exposed me to vistas which I have yet to see, and stories that I have yet to live for myself. It makes me ponder about how we are all from different parts of the world, yet we are still so similar in many aspects–passion is probably the glue that binds us all together and the belief in the wondrous possibilities that await. After all, what is youth if it isn’t about chasing one’s dreams? It hurts so badly for me to say goodbye on Wednesday, because to be honest I was really unsure about whether I’ll see them again in future. I am still unsure now but then again, to be sad about not seeing these people again only meant that I am lucky enough to have people I’ll miss because it means that the feelings were real and not just a product of my mind. If I were to be presented with another alternative, which is to not meet them at all by giving up the opportunity when it was offered to me under the premise of having too much work to do and deadlines to meet, I would choose the former. I’d go through the pain of separation for every chance to say hello, because even though people come and go, life is in itself, ephemeral and transient. I am heartened, honoured and very privileged to have been given this opportunity to see the world in a different country, and through the eyes of the many others who have dropped by my life briefly, but have made their presence felt in my heart. Not many people are able to stay on in your life and there are many reasons for their eventual absence, be it geographical, financial or even cultural factors but that doesn’t discount their impact and I think, in a world where billions reside, being able to have met these people in a sea of blurred faces is comfort by itself. Let that be enough. Let the memories be enough. We all have our own lives to live, and I’ll take the photographs along with me as I go on. 我们还有很多梦没做 还有很多明天要走。May our paths cross again one day, but till then I’m sure we will all be living our lives in the best way we can. Cheers to humanity, and to life.

百年修得同船渡,千年修得共枕眠。 前世的五百次回眸,才换来今世的擦肩而过。 For the rest of my life, I’ll always be thankful for this chance meeting, even if life takes us on diverging routes from here.

Recharge and Renew.

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2014 hk爱里放手才可能伟大。

for life is a balancing act between holding on and letting go. Just know that it hurt because it was real, and that is what matters. Then, move on.

Because I’m a tad lazy to actually blog about what 2014 meant to me–so here’s a photosummary of what the year was; all these photos have been carefully selected to present the people who have meant most to me this year and have played such huge roles in my life that it is difficult to omit them out. 2014 was a year tinged with lots of smiles, tears, happiness and also sadness. However just like how there are two sides to a coin, life is fair in a way that even when the world is coated in darkness, the stars still shine and will provide a trail out. There’s a silver lining to every aspect and the dual face of life and death exists all at once. What I’ve learnt so far is that it is myopic and even dense to look at events/issues as a binary, but rather things unfold in a way that leaves you wondering what goes on in between. In the most destitute and forlorn of times humans are able to find within themselves a beacon of light–more often than not that light is not discovered elsewhere but it emanates within themselves. I still believe in the world and in the human race. I choose to have faith in the human race–we are all such unique individuals with a calling in life–things may be destined, but how we choose to remember or be remembered depends on how we make life out to be.

The last few hours of 2014 has brought to me a greater perspicuity, nudging me out from my earlier despondence. I was reviewing what I had felt throughout the year–or the last few months to be exact and I realized that the last few months had been a real rollercoaster ride and the torrent of emotions that I felt had consumed me to the point that I thought I could no longer be myself and I was always reliant on somebody else for my own happiness, for my own well being and for my ability to feel alive. In fact, I do not disagree that I felt the most alive in the last few months than the rest of my 22 years put together. I will always look back on the last few months of 2014 fondly, with glassy eyes and with a heart filled with gratitude. The friends that I’ve made, the people whom I had dedicated the bulk of my time to will always have a special place in my heart, even if one day life drives us apart–I understand now that sometimes people may have to drift away from one another to reunite again, and that things need not end, but if only they don’t stay the same. As with my previous post, all of us have our own dreams and goals in life to meet and fulfill and life is the most enduring teacher. We all have our own growing up to do. I honestly have no idea what 2015 will bring, but I hope that those whom I care about will continue to stay in my life in their own little ways. Them not caring about or loving you in the way you want them to doesn’t preclude the reality that they do love you in their own quirky ways, as subtle as they may be. Because sometimes, silence means that they’re listening and sometimes, passivity is an act of kindness, a love that is tender and apparent only when you feel it with your heart.

To the new year, I’m ready for all the challenges that you may bring, because I know that what doesn’t break me will only make me stronger. Life doesn’t end just yet and it took two decades to make me understand that I do not just want to survive, but I want to live. Cheers to the new year ahead, and to both the good and the bad. 2014, you’ll always be special, but its time to let you go now, and turn the page so the rest of my story can ensue.

Hong Kong Hour; Winter 2014

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A philosopher once said that “There is experience and then its decay.” This was in reference to the fickleness of memory and its tendency to shift with time. I just came back from Hong Kong (a family trip) less than 24 hours ago and here I am blogging about this because the memories of the days spent are still fresh and it’s a ludicrous endeavor to want to jot down the entire trip, but I want to make sure that I remember some aspects of it, or at least the aspects and moments that I care about.

It had been ten years since I last went to Hong Kong. Ten years, a decade is an eternity on Earth, at least when you’re once a girl and now the world calls you a lady. Ten years ago I couldn’t understand a single word of Cantonese and had to rely on my mother who was my main interpreter. Yet ten years later, I could understand and communicate with the Hong Kong residents–that was sheer joy. Hong Kong had also developed into an incredibly dense city, pulsating with life and energy. In recent years I’ve also nurtured a more keen eye for details and have a renewed appreciation for the built environment, hence it was also an opportunity for me to study the cobbled streets of Hong Kong, where the old coexisted with the new on opposite ends, where you can straddle the boundaries of a new, startlingly posh shopping mall and the spaces of the tenement housing all at the same time. Perhaps it is in cities where the dual faces of capitalism and commerce rear its glorious and yet ugly head all at once. Learning more about Hong Kong through its language, food and culture, I realized that even though Hong Kong and Singapore are both bustling financial nodes in Asia, and despite sharing common beginnings when it comes to their modern historical epochs, Hong Kong and Singapore are quite different in the sense that Hong Kong still retains abit of her old world charm, a sort of charm that remains confined to the time period of the 1960s. I don’t know whether its got to do with the gaudy neon lights looming over the skies at night, or the buildings which webbed with creaks and crevices and yet remain structurally safe all at once. Has it got to do with the back alleys which contrasted sharply against the hustle of the traffic and humble traditional bakeries and handicrafts shops tucked at every nook and cranny of the urban landscape? All these cast against the backdrop of skyscrapers and gigantic glass blocks dominating one’s sight with every step taken. Falling in love with strangers whom I have never known, whom I never will know but I’m reminded of how big this world is and it makes me warm with hope. The thought of meeting new people and forming new experiences brings butterflies to my tummy because it reminds me of how remarkable life actually is and how much I have yet to see. The comfort I felt in Hong Kong is reminiscent of the comfort offered by a second home and I know I’ll be back again, in the near future.(It’s also the home of Leslie ^^)

One of my all time favorite places in Hong Kong is the Victoria Harbor. I don’t know what’s with me, but I seem to have a predilection for waterfronts and the sea. It is ironic that I am afraid of the deep waters, yet the waterfront at night looks ethereal and smells of romance. Perhaps it was the chilly wind that was playing tricks on my mind, perhaps it was the dazzling skyline that conjured an illusive image in my head, perhaps that scene reminded me too much of another place I had loved–The Bund, Shanghai. But I felt too much at home as I strolled along the Victoria Harbour. It also reminded me of how much Hong Kong had grew and progressed and of the profoundest things in life that Man is actually capable of. We’ve come so far and yet we still have so far to go. We can design buildings that soar into the sky, yet a building does not indicate a direct entrance to heaven, or wherever one should go after we’ve expended our stay on Earth. We send people to the moon, yet we aren’t that sure whether there’s any other planet that is capable of sustaining human life. Man is Man because of our limitations, but Man is successful because Man dares to dream, and dreams are what makes life worth living and possibilities, the risk. Because there will come a day when the pain of not doing anything at all hurts way more than falling down with a scraped knee.

The trip also reminds me of how with a little distance, certain things seem a little clearer. I’ve been thinking alot these days and I’m still trying to make sense of my life over the past year. To be brutally honest, even though I say this every year I am not kidding when I say that 2014 has been the best year yet. I like to be hopeful in that I hope that the best years of my life have yet to be, but a dear friend once told me that he believes in the future and that no matter what we do, it is always best to be forward looking. I think the beauty of life lies in the fact we can never fast forward time, nor can we ever rewind. We just make do with what we have and move on from it. To talk about this from a macro perspective, we’re like passengers on a one way ticket to Somewhere. The only way to get Somewhere is to move on a linear direction, and our dreams and ideals are the twin forces that are propelling us forward. It’s a linear force, a force nourished from the wellsprings of our hopes and desires and we are going to be what we make of ourselves. That is the true beauty of life. I do believe in fate, but I like to think that there is human agency too. Fate decides what will happen to us, but fate doesn’t dictate what we can or cannot do. The later half of 2014 has been an emotionally challenging one, I was embittered and vexed once again about certain issues that didn’t go my way despite my meticulous planning and maneuvering, but I’m also simultaneously glad and grateful for the spate of events that have unfolded since. To put it simply, you win some and you lose some, but the onus is on you to milk it for what its worth. Also, the recent tide of emotions have also taken an unexpected turn, leaving me unsettled and uneasy about what direction to take next, but with the new year around the corner, I think I’ll have to let it go. We may be in our twenties, but we are still so young and we have our own growing up to do.  The world’s round, and who knows perhaps one day we will meet again.

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My life over the past few days. This sums up my life over the past few days.

Because I have no idea what I am supposed to say now, because I know that I am surrounded by love and I do have friends whom I can confide in and everything, nothing is gonna change the fact that I feel I am not in a good phase of my life now. Disappointment after disappointment, to have your hopes raised only to have them crash and burn again. Life makes a mockery out of everyone sometimes and its possible to be at the receiving end of whammies at the end of the day. It’s life and life doles out such stuff to everyone at different stages in their lives. I don’t know what to say, I feel like saying I’m okay but today my body and my emotions decided that it was time to put an end to the act and admit that I’ve not been fine and I have never been fine since I received the news. It’s a horrid reminder that I am back in reality,a jolt from a dream that I’ve been sleeping on for way too long. It makes me wonder whether all the things that I’ve been talking about, all the plans that I’ve been working towards are all contrived and it all unfolded only in my head, because the panorama of images that is on replay in my head is so vivid, so rich in colour and so real. But when you try to trace the contours of the images everything dissolves into thin air, like how sand slips away from your finger faster than you can hold on to them. The tighter you hold on to the tiny grainy bits, the more they slide past your fingers and back to wherever they came from. I feel upset, betrayed, denied and exhausted at the way things have panned out. I try to look at the silver linings and to be honest, I really DO SEE the silver linings and I acknowledge them and I embrace them, even. But that doesn’t change a damn thing about how I feel, whether I can calibrate back to the groove of school. I know I can, the flesh is willing, but this time, the spirit is weak. 

I am extremely worn out and I feel as though I’ve been beefing my schedules only because I no longer have the capacity to entertain what could have beens and what ifs. I sound like a spoilt brat here, but yes I am heartbroken. Each time I close my eyes I can only see it unfolding right before me–its so close that I can smell it, feel it and even touch it, but I can’t and that kills me more than anything else. I have no idea how I am supposed to convey this intensity of a feeling to the people around me, its the way you feel when you’ve expected and craved for something for so long, only to have it denied right before your eyes and you feel that the lights have all gone off. Yes, that’s how it feels. That is enough to kill. Life goes on anyway and being the girl that I am, of course I try to weigh the pros and the cons and rationalize everything, but I had so many plans unfulfilled and so many more dreams left to accomplish there and it is not in this city where I can do that. It’s sheer agony to plaster a smile to the face, and occupy myself with things and people and feels, and yet when I close my eyes at night its all a feeble attempt to return a semblance of life in this shell of a life that I have retreated into. They say that when a door closes, another opens. Yes I believe in it, I believe in miracles–my life IS a miracle I am aware of that, but I can’t let go. I can’t let go now, and this stubborn-ness is eating at me. I will be okay again, with time, but for the rest of my life, this will always be a regret. Perhaps somewhere in the future, I will look back and see the pieces all fall into place, but it won’t alter what I feel now, at this very moment. 

Sometimes love alone isn’t enough, sometimes what I have isn’t enough to replace what could have been. I can only persuade myself to make the best use of the time I have now, with the people around me, simply because tomorrow is never guaranteed. I know it all, I know what you’re gonna say if I broach this topic to you, but know that I already understand the matters that I need to, but acceptance is an exclusive issue and that only time can be my salve. Perhaps. We will see. Until then, I will do everything in my capacity to ensure that the hill of regrets doesn’t evolve into a mountain, and that somehow it will be for the better, if there’s really some greater plan installed. 

 

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So these pictures pretty much sum up what summer has been for me (Circa 7 May 2014-10 August 2014)

It has been an eventful summer and a summer like no other. You know how fiction and travelogues like to romanticize summer and how drama also thrives on promoting summer as one of unforgettable memories and long endless nights? Well my summer has been pretty grounded, yet fulfilling. I’ve embarked on two internships during these two months odd and also managed to make time for catching up with friends and people whom I care about (please note that if you don’t see yourself in the photographs its not that you’re not in my mental list it probably means that those photographs are not on my laptop or we did not take a shot together). Truth be told, on retrospect I feel like I’ve accomplished quite abit of things this summer–I’ve a taste of what it was to be in the workforce, to work in the public service as well as private sector. I’ve gone for the talks and symposiums that I’ve always wanted to go, I’ve finished a project for a professor and I’ve also handled all my numerous datelines pretty well. More importantly, I’ve read all the books and novels that I wanted to read and got in touch with people that I wanted to keep in contact with. It’s been a summer well spent. Of course there were hiccups along the way and sometimes you find yourself planning, but life always gets the better of you. Somehow, no one can outwit what Provenance has installed for us and many times you just make do. That is not saying that I am unhappy, yet it may be abit too much for me to ask for life to listen to me all the time. I try and think back about what I’ve been doing these few months and it all blurs into a melange of many memories stitched into a parasol in my mind’s eye, a parasol that will shelter me through rain or storm.

I used to pride myself on being predictable, but the older you get the more you realize that the only moment you really have is the present. I can spend days, months and years planning for my future, even if the future refers to that of tomorrow, or months or even years away. It takes only a finger, a scrawling of pen on fresh parchment to unravel all the plans that I have so painfully weave for myself. Which brings me to another point that I am too acutely aware of this summer–that good things take their time to happen to you, and sometimes, you’ve really got to let go of some things. I really have no idea what awaits tomorrow, but I am really crossing my fingers and praying that whatever that happens, would be the best thing that could happen for me. That is not saying that I may not be upset or even indignant at the state of things, but I’m really hoping that I do have the prescience to understand that all will be done, in good time and as unhappy as I will be to accept certain ways of life, or particular manifestations of things, it will fall into place with time and ten years from now I will not ruminate about this phase in my life as one that is dotted with “what ifs” and ” should have beens”, but instead I’ll smile and say that I am glad for it all to happen.

This summer has been a special one, in many ways that I could hardly imagine. I can’t put some stuff to writing, but know that when I look back on this lull in my life, it will be with fondness because there’s only the happy, because…some things came without warning, like a blizzard and I’ve not been the same again.