Posts Tagged ‘life’

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Just got back from HPAIR Asia Conference in Manila. It would be safe to say that I never regretted this decision and it was probably what felt right at that point in time. It’s impossible to write everything down so let me just bring up one main point–> Conferences are all about the people and it is amazing to feel humbled in a world that is bombarded with cynicism that arose out of conflict and strife. I think it’s a unique and astounding experience because one gets to meet people from all the far flung countries, something that we will normally not have the opportunity to. It increases one’s awareness of all the politics within this world and reminds us how much work must be put in before all the fruits can be reaped. What I loved most about the conference is that core values are something that is universal, something that cannot be defined by geographical boundaries. Love and trust are both fundamental human values that link all of us together and the last five days were testaments to that. Feeling like there’s so much to be done in this world makes me afraid, but I’m ready to take on the challenges, whatever they are. This is where writing escapes me again and I can only be content by looking at the photographs that were taken and these lyrics come to mind.

难重逢我至觉得 期待你会出现
人总于今天 想昨天

Some people leave as quickly as they come, without rhyme or reason, but I believe I’ll understand in due time. Perhaps it’s not so much of whether we stay in contact, but the fact that we were all in this together for six days in Manila is a common experience that no one can take away from us. Maybe that alone is enough. Till then, we all have our respective roads ahead and I have a graduation thesis to write, jobs to apply for and the rest of my life waiting. Mabuhay, my friends. We may or may not meet again, but wherever you are, I’m always wishing for you to have a good life and I hope that you’ll be the Change you wanna see in this world. More importantly, be happy and be at peace with yourself.


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The best bunch of people whom I had the honour to befriend this summer. (Hiroshima, July-August 2015)

What can I say, where can I start? Summer’s ending way too soon and I am really surprise at how fast it FLEW by. I believe that as you get older, the days just melt into one another and before you know it, seasons change, wrinkles appear and hair turns to gray. Okay I’m being a little melodramatic here but here’s some updates on the best summer of my life so far. Over the last few months, I was busy with my internship, preparing for thesis and summer school in Japan. Initially I was really apprehensive about my decision to apply for school in Japan. It marked the start of traveling alone and I was swamped with work ;AAA; but it proved to be the best decision I’ve made so far and I am so grateful for all the events that have transpired so far. Arrived home on August 8 and I’ve got to say that as much as I was glad to be home, a better part of me wished that I could have stayed on in Japan. I still think that a country or a city is less about the place than it is about the people. I have made so many great friends in Hiroshima over the last two weeks and it is devastating to bid goodbye to all of them. Tears were shed, alcohol was consumed, smiles were cracked and hugs were extended to everyone in the span of two weeks and it is remarkable how despite our diverse backgrounds we have gelled so well together. This reminds me of how nationalities can never define people thoroughly. Nationalities, territories, language are but arbitrary boundaries that seek to position us in categories that serve the modern nation state; but beyond that I still stick to my belief that we are all citizens of the world and there is only one race–the human race. I have so much to say, but for the greatest of all experiences words can only do so much justice. Leaving Hiroshima and all the friends whom I’ve made feels the closest to heartbreak and I feel as though I’ve left a part of my heart behind. It IS possible to have your heart in different places and I am counting down to the day that I get back again. Although there is a part of me that is certain things will never be the same (I mean, cmon what’s the likelihood of having EVERYONE back in the same place again?), I think it will be just as amazing to catch up with one another and to see how much we have changed and grown. I made a comment earlier that hopefully by the time we meet again, we may have a better idea of what we will like to do in this world and perhaps, even achieved some of our goals. It is a life changing experience, probably because now I realize that the world is so huge and there’s SO MANY POSSIBILITIES (of course I knew this even before I left for Japan, but somehow experience after experience taught me that one of the most wonderful aspects of living is that the road ahead has so much to offer and there are still so dreams to be chased and goals to be attained. There’s nothing like people who hail from different backgrounds with their own life histories gather together and talk about world issues, issues that relate to the most fundamental aspect of life itself–peace, truth and justice. It is also heartening to meet so many friends who share the same vision and set of values as me and even though I am unsure of what the future holds, I know we will all make our mark in this world one day, no matter how long the journey takes or how many stumbling blocks there are on this yellow road. Till we meet again, these friends will form a chapter of my life, a chapter which I will always look back on, fondly. People don’t really leave when they stay on in your heart, that’s what I believe, and we have photographs to remind us that all these were real, and not merely a figment of the mind’s attempt to escape from reality. For now, More experiences await, and my thesis awaits(SIGH)

冥冥中的那个人,一个之前不可能想到,不可能意识到的人,各自在不同的地方,不同的环境下成长,却能在一个偶然的机会中相遇相识。This summarizes the beauty of Life.

“It’s been a long day without you my friend, and I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again, we’ve come a long way, from where we’ve began, oh I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again”

Till then, May peace, love and joy be yours. 

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Follow the rainbow, and ride it. And this is the legacy of the first Prime Minister of Singapore, Mr Lee Kuan Yew.

For those who are unaware, the past week was a week dedicated to the memory of Lee Kuan Yew. I woke up on Monday morning to newsflashes on the demise of the man himself. When I first heard the news, I wasn’t that shocked because the PMO had been slowly preparing Singaporeans for his eventual fate over the past few weeks. I cannot remember how I felt then when I was first informed of the news, but I do know that the emptiness inside of me started welling up the moment I knew he was no more. I didn’t know how to express that sense of loss I had, that continued to swell and eat me up from inside. Life went on as normal. Over the last few days, I found myself weeping inside for the man who had finally claimed his place in the pages of history, proper. He was now a name that can only exist in the pages of history books, rather than a living and breathing figure. All my life I’ve been taught that Mr Lee was the first PM of Singapore and he was the key architect responsible in transforming Singapore from a third world country to a bustling metropolis. All my life I’ve been so accustomed to seeing the familiar man on television screens and reading about him through the books that my mother bought. I am now in my early twenties and thus old enough to remember Mr Lee as who he was, and as a History major, he isn’t a historical “historical” figure for me because he was alive and well, and it is honestly disconcerting to have him imprinted in a two-dimensional, pixelated fashion now. This sense of loss is inexplicable. I think all of us have our own mental images of him and how we perceive him to be. To me, he was a man who never stopped trying. He never rested on his laurels and was always seeking ways to improve himself, and the world around him. He reminded us that life was not a sprint, but a marathon and you will only see the finish line when your next breath doesn’t come. The thought of summarizing what Mr Lee Kuan Yew meant to me in the past tense is a reality that is particularly jarring now, and also hard to come to terms with, but we all have to eventually.

So I’m going to put all these into writing. Words can only say so much but I do know that I want to dedicate a post to his memory. I’m not a fan of posting my heartfelt emotions on Facebook or twitter, so here goes. (because I know no one really reads this space anyway.)

Thank you Mr Lee for everything that you’ve done for us. It makes me feel lucky, having been born here in Singapore and enjoying the sweet fruits of your leadership. There will never be another man like you again, and I think, you’re every measure of the man most boys would aspire to be as they mature into adulthood. Thank you for being so calm and stable and the pillar of strength for so many Singaporeans. It hurts to say that you are no more and you didn’t believe that much in the afterlife either, because you once mentioned that if there really was an afterlife, it would be overpopulated–I think only you would phrase it this way. As childish as it may sound, if there really was an afterlife, or a next life, I would still like you to be the PM of my country.On second thoughts, maybe not. Giving up your life once is enough–if there really is an afterlife or a next life, I hope that you’ll live the life of an ordinary citizen then, and relish every single moment. It wasn’t easy, dedicating all you have for Singapore–I think it’s really hard to find another character like you today. Tough times maketh a man and you truly are. Your absence will take a little getting used to, and I cannot fathom what it’ll be like come August when I can no longer see your face light up on the television screen. But then again, you are with us. I like to think that you live on, somehow. Not in physical form, but spiritually and emotionally, you’re ingrained in our national psyche and your contributions can be seen everywhere, from the towering housing blocks to the lush greenery that surrounds us, everyday. For that, thank you sir. I don’t know where you are now, I don’t think the human mind will ever know. But wherever you are now, I hope you’re happy. Have a good rest Mr Lee, and if we are lucky, we’ll see you again. Till then, there’s still many things for us to do–there are goals to be accomplished and dreams to be fulfilled and a nation to defend. I think that’s your legacy and the most enduring gift you’ve bestowed upon us–you gave the young and future generations the luxury to dream and to fulfill our potentials. For that, thank you. We will dream big, act wisely and do your memory proud.

So long, and goodbye, for now.

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Recharge and Renew.

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2014 hk爱里放手才可能伟大。

for life is a balancing act between holding on and letting go. Just know that it hurt because it was real, and that is what matters. Then, move on.

Because I’m a tad lazy to actually blog about what 2014 meant to me–so here’s a photosummary of what the year was; all these photos have been carefully selected to present the people who have meant most to me this year and have played such huge roles in my life that it is difficult to omit them out. 2014 was a year tinged with lots of smiles, tears, happiness and also sadness. However just like how there are two sides to a coin, life is fair in a way that even when the world is coated in darkness, the stars still shine and will provide a trail out. There’s a silver lining to every aspect and the dual face of life and death exists all at once. What I’ve learnt so far is that it is myopic and even dense to look at events/issues as a binary, but rather things unfold in a way that leaves you wondering what goes on in between. In the most destitute and forlorn of times humans are able to find within themselves a beacon of light–more often than not that light is not discovered elsewhere but it emanates within themselves. I still believe in the world and in the human race. I choose to have faith in the human race–we are all such unique individuals with a calling in life–things may be destined, but how we choose to remember or be remembered depends on how we make life out to be.

The last few hours of 2014 has brought to me a greater perspicuity, nudging me out from my earlier despondence. I was reviewing what I had felt throughout the year–or the last few months to be exact and I realized that the last few months had been a real rollercoaster ride and the torrent of emotions that I felt had consumed me to the point that I thought I could no longer be myself and I was always reliant on somebody else for my own happiness, for my own well being and for my ability to feel alive. In fact, I do not disagree that I felt the most alive in the last few months than the rest of my 22 years put together. I will always look back on the last few months of 2014 fondly, with glassy eyes and with a heart filled with gratitude. The friends that I’ve made, the people whom I had dedicated the bulk of my time to will always have a special place in my heart, even if one day life drives us apart–I understand now that sometimes people may have to drift away from one another to reunite again, and that things need not end, but if only they don’t stay the same. As with my previous post, all of us have our own dreams and goals in life to meet and fulfill and life is the most enduring teacher. We all have our own growing up to do. I honestly have no idea what 2015 will bring, but I hope that those whom I care about will continue to stay in my life in their own little ways. Them not caring about or loving you in the way you want them to doesn’t preclude the reality that they do love you in their own quirky ways, as subtle as they may be. Because sometimes, silence means that they’re listening and sometimes, passivity is an act of kindness, a love that is tender and apparent only when you feel it with your heart.

To the new year, I’m ready for all the challenges that you may bring, because I know that what doesn’t break me will only make me stronger. Life doesn’t end just yet and it took two decades to make me understand that I do not just want to survive, but I want to live. Cheers to the new year ahead, and to both the good and the bad. 2014, you’ll always be special, but its time to let you go now, and turn the page so the rest of my story can ensue.

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A philosopher once said that “There is experience and then its decay.” This was in reference to the fickleness of memory and its tendency to shift with time. I just came back from Hong Kong (a family trip) less than 24 hours ago and here I am blogging about this because the memories of the days spent are still fresh and it’s a ludicrous endeavor to want to jot down the entire trip, but I want to make sure that I remember some aspects of it, or at least the aspects and moments that I care about.

It had been ten years since I last went to Hong Kong. Ten years, a decade is an eternity on Earth, at least when you’re once a girl and now the world calls you a lady. Ten years ago I couldn’t understand a single word of Cantonese and had to rely on my mother who was my main interpreter. Yet ten years later, I could understand and communicate with the Hong Kong residents–that was sheer joy. Hong Kong had also developed into an incredibly dense city, pulsating with life and energy. In recent years I’ve also nurtured a more keen eye for details and have a renewed appreciation for the built environment, hence it was also an opportunity for me to study the cobbled streets of Hong Kong, where the old coexisted with the new on opposite ends, where you can straddle the boundaries of a new, startlingly posh shopping mall and the spaces of the tenement housing all at the same time. Perhaps it is in cities where the dual faces of capitalism and commerce rear its glorious and yet ugly head all at once. Learning more about Hong Kong through its language, food and culture, I realized that even though Hong Kong and Singapore are both bustling financial nodes in Asia, and despite sharing common beginnings when it comes to their modern historical epochs, Hong Kong and Singapore are quite different in the sense that Hong Kong still retains abit of her old world charm, a sort of charm that remains confined to the time period of the 1960s. I don’t know whether its got to do with the gaudy neon lights looming over the skies at night, or the buildings which webbed with creaks and crevices and yet remain structurally safe all at once. Has it got to do with the back alleys which contrasted sharply against the hustle of the traffic and humble traditional bakeries and handicrafts shops tucked at every nook and cranny of the urban landscape? All these cast against the backdrop of skyscrapers and gigantic glass blocks dominating one’s sight with every step taken. Falling in love with strangers whom I have never known, whom I never will know but I’m reminded of how big this world is and it makes me warm with hope. The thought of meeting new people and forming new experiences brings butterflies to my tummy because it reminds me of how remarkable life actually is and how much I have yet to see. The comfort I felt in Hong Kong is reminiscent of the comfort offered by a second home and I know I’ll be back again, in the near future.(It’s also the home of Leslie ^^)

One of my all time favorite places in Hong Kong is the Victoria Harbor. I don’t know what’s with me, but I seem to have a predilection for waterfronts and the sea. It is ironic that I am afraid of the deep waters, yet the waterfront at night looks ethereal and smells of romance. Perhaps it was the chilly wind that was playing tricks on my mind, perhaps it was the dazzling skyline that conjured an illusive image in my head, perhaps that scene reminded me too much of another place I had loved–The Bund, Shanghai. But I felt too much at home as I strolled along the Victoria Harbour. It also reminded me of how much Hong Kong had grew and progressed and of the profoundest things in life that Man is actually capable of. We’ve come so far and yet we still have so far to go. We can design buildings that soar into the sky, yet a building does not indicate a direct entrance to heaven, or wherever one should go after we’ve expended our stay on Earth. We send people to the moon, yet we aren’t that sure whether there’s any other planet that is capable of sustaining human life. Man is Man because of our limitations, but Man is successful because Man dares to dream, and dreams are what makes life worth living and possibilities, the risk. Because there will come a day when the pain of not doing anything at all hurts way more than falling down with a scraped knee.

The trip also reminds me of how with a little distance, certain things seem a little clearer. I’ve been thinking alot these days and I’m still trying to make sense of my life over the past year. To be brutally honest, even though I say this every year I am not kidding when I say that 2014 has been the best year yet. I like to be hopeful in that I hope that the best years of my life have yet to be, but a dear friend once told me that he believes in the future and that no matter what we do, it is always best to be forward looking. I think the beauty of life lies in the fact we can never fast forward time, nor can we ever rewind. We just make do with what we have and move on from it. To talk about this from a macro perspective, we’re like passengers on a one way ticket to Somewhere. The only way to get Somewhere is to move on a linear direction, and our dreams and ideals are the twin forces that are propelling us forward. It’s a linear force, a force nourished from the wellsprings of our hopes and desires and we are going to be what we make of ourselves. That is the true beauty of life. I do believe in fate, but I like to think that there is human agency too. Fate decides what will happen to us, but fate doesn’t dictate what we can or cannot do. The later half of 2014 has been an emotionally challenging one, I was embittered and vexed once again about certain issues that didn’t go my way despite my meticulous planning and maneuvering, but I’m also simultaneously glad and grateful for the spate of events that have unfolded since. To put it simply, you win some and you lose some, but the onus is on you to milk it for what its worth. Also, the recent tide of emotions have also taken an unexpected turn, leaving me unsettled and uneasy about what direction to take next, but with the new year around the corner, I think I’ll have to let it go. We may be in our twenties, but we are still so young and we have our own growing up to do.  The world’s round, and who knows perhaps one day we will meet again.

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Shanghai and Beijing 2013

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13 December 2013-22 December 2013.

So I am finally back after a 10 day learning journey trip from Shanghai and Beijing. Many things are concurrently flashing across my head now, like the reeling of a film and I realized that as much as I have lots to say, words fail me. I can’t seem to articulate my words well enough because most of the emotions need to be felt in the heart and cannot be narrated out. But I shall try my best. To summarize it all, I thought I went through an emotional and psychological learning journey during the past 10 days. As short as it may seem, my world paradigm jostled and shifted again. If people were to ask us who we actually are, I don’t think I can aver and say “I am _______”, but rather I’ll just choose the easier way out and say that “I am just a sum of all my experiences and the people whom I met.” These ten days have taught me many things and alerted me to the crucial issues out there-of growing up, of learning how to communicate with people and of chasing dreams. What is youth without the ethereal ideal of fulfilling one’s wildest fantasies and being accorded the prized ability to dream? These ten days I felt armored by the ability to live out my innermost desires and to excavate new wants deep inside of me, desires that have been lurking around for a long while, only to see the light of day over the course of the past few days.

Many life lessons will stay with me. Before I left for Shanghai, I thought I knew what I wanted in life. I was so affirmative of my decision to join the heritage sector or to proceed with my dreams of being a curator.But now, I am in a state of flux. I can no longer announce clearly that this is what I want. The past ten days have taught me that anything is possible as long as you are willing to give your all and your best shot in anything. But all great things come with a sacrifice/price. The more important question then is, how far are you willing to go? Are you willing to parlay all you have? This is not a game of chess, not everything has to be done strategically-what matters is the very instance in which you are dealt with that particular piece. How do you make your move? Does it really matter in the longee duree? All I can say is, right now I don’t think I believe in regrets. I choose to define regrets as something that would have panned out alternatively had you not picked that route at the given point in time. I’ll like to abide by my stand that despite us being rational, sensible human beings, we are all emotional creatures who are deft with our life choices. We do what is best for us and whatever that happened, was probably the best that could have happened. When all else fails, sit back and hand the steering wheel to the big guy up there.

Shanghai has been the city of my dreams for a very long time. Ever since I did a paper on Shanghai when I was in sophomore year, I fell in love with the city. Shanghai is a city of many contradictions, yet its charm also lies in its duality. Its a city which embraces the old and the new, a metropolis where many cultures conflate to produce a synergy like no other. If people were to ask me what I love most about Shanghai, I would say the dynamism that seeps through the veins of the urban-polis and the fact that its a living palimpsest of many ideas, traditions yet it is able to balance the many facets of its identity to nurture in its residents a dual citizenship-that of a Chinese and that of a global citizen. Naysayers will argue that I am very much naive, but hey what is youth without wide eyed innocence? Beijing on the other hand was very much fashioned by its reputation as the capital, which was connoted with political vigour, yet it remained a historical city at heart. Its a lovely city, a city which bore the pride of the Chinese and a city which aspired to reach even greater heights for in its nub lies a nesting ground of ideas opportunities and fortuitous encounters.

A very inspiring lady told me something during the trip and I shall quote her here “everything is more difficult in China, but anything is possible here.” The most luxurious aspect of China is not the readily expandable market that it proffers, but the expanse of space and human ambition that is available. China is such a large and humongous country that opportunities loiter in every nook and cranny of the country. I strongly believe in human agency and thus I think opportunities are bestowed, yet they have to be discovered. The lure of China lies in the ability of the country to absorb your failures-you are given not one chance, but multiple chances. I think all of us need to know that we have choices in life and we should give ourselves time to fail, time to get back on our feet and time to try again. When we know that we have more than one option, we become more humane. We start to treat ourselves better and to be gentle with ourselves. Second chances provide platforms for self reflection, and I think in today’s man eat man world, where we are all haplessly mired in the rat race, it helps to know that there IS a way out. I can’t assure you that the road ahead is easier, but I hope that if you know you still have a way out, you’ll be able to face the future with open arms and to thrust yourself into the green light. There’s a time for everything and as scarred beings, we all need to learn how to dream and to love again. This is my main takeaway from China.

I met many inspiring and ingenious people over the past ten days and as fleeting as those encounters may be, it was fate that allowed us to meet.For that I will always be thankful. They will always stay in my heart because we are a sum of experiences and of people whom we met. What amazes me is that despite that facade of conformity, we are all dreamers deep down. Unpolished diamonds waiting for the day the sun shines down on the begrimed surfaces, allowing the glow to permeate once more.

For that, China will always hold a special position in my heart.

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6 JULY 2013


I don’t know where to start, there’s so many things I’ll like to pen down, but I can’t find it in me to begin. Perhaps if I never really began writing then I wouldn’t need to deal with. To be honest, perhaps one will never be able to recapture the first fine careless rapture. It is inevitable for me to consistently compare SS5 to the previous SS3 and SS4 which I have attended. I told myself that as long as there were Super Shows in Singapore, I would always be there and for a series of reasons I was able to attend SS5 even though it wasn’t premeditated in my plans. Anyway, perhaps SS5 SG happened at a wrong time-the boys were unhappy about the petition back home (ELF civil war, what’s new guys),the organizing company’s obnoxiously high ticket sales which had an adverse effect on audience participation, and many other factors. As much as I enjoyed the show, I couldn’t shrug off the company’s capitalist tendencies. I don’t buy into the factor that SS5 cost a humongous amount to produce/manage. It was simply their way of milking the boys/kpop for all their worth. I mean seriously, teenagers still make up the bulk of Suju’s fanbase. If you set the ticket price to be extravagantly high to the point that ordinary teenagers would have to empty all their pockets just for a night of enjoyment and conviviality, the trade offs and opportunity costs would be too much to handle. For that, I would have to say, Shame on you. It’s contradictory though because if it wasn’t for this company I wouldn’t have the chance to go for SS5 too, but for all that has been said and done, I’m thankful, yet I cannot condone this.

it was lovely seeing the boys again no doubt. I wouldn’t have to go into details unlike my two earlier concerts because after seeing them for a couple of times, they are more and more like my friends, boys next door-eque. I really appreciated every moment with them that night. Siwon was still the adoringly handsome shisus, Donghae was the same old kiddish boy with the eternally sweet smile,Eunhyuk was still the energetic and mood lifter him, Sungmin was still teasingly cute, Ryeowook was still precious and simply a bundle of happiness and joy, Kyuhyun was still the awkward and hardworking him, Shindong was still the ray of sunshine, Kangin was so smiley and witty throughout the entire concert Idk what to do with him, Henry and Zhou Mi were still their usual selfs, adorable, pleasing, friendly and heartwarming. Its as though nothing had changed, but perhaps if we stepped out of our roles as idols and fans, and reassess ourselves as citizens of the world, people of a different mould yet still members of the human race, it all boils down to one fact. We’re still humans and individuals, with dreams and aspirations. No longer am I the girl who allows fantasies and dreams to be the complete makeup of my world,and I no longer live, waiting for the day to see Super Junior again. They are men now and have their own lives and dreams. There comes a point in time when you see things clearly and the images start to lose their burnished shimmer, the wonderful package starts to unravel and the seams at the ends start to quiver and loosen. Then you realize, its all part of growing up. I love SuperJunior and they will always have the ultimate special place in my heart. I cannot imagine who I’ll be without them and for that, for many years to come I’ll still yearn to see them. Many years from now, as long as they continue to hold acts in Singapore I’ll gladfully be at the stage’s end to hear them sing and make fools of one another and to laugh and cry all over again, simply because its this special bond between Super Junior and ELFs that makes life’s tribulations a little easier.

Then we all go on.

Our identities go through bricolage. yesterday, today and tomorrow are phases we go through continuously and we are supported and propped up by memories that we’ve accumulated over the years and its impossible to view a person by whoever he was at a point in time. Similarly, even though we are merely performing our role/duty as an idol, a student, a son/daughter, a father/mother, we are all a mosaic of emotions and experiences and perhaps, understanding this furthers the point that whatever we experience in life is never negatory. Just like how Super Junior have impacted the lives of ELFs, ELFs similarly have affected their personalities and characters and even their lives, somehow. I’m getting a little philosophical here, and maybe a little emotional, but if I hadn’t had such immense difficulty sifting through the tangles of memory and reality, perhaps I’ll be able to do more justice to this post.

Yet I can never deny this. No matter how old I become, no matter how winding the road ahead will be, I will always love Super Junior.That is the most basic of promises I can make and keep. Till we meet again, Super Junior. You are always in my heart and as cliche as it sounds,you’re part of me, for as long as I keep breathing.

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